Psst...there's a spider in her hair!

On Saturday evening I was sitting next to my good friend Cheryl when I noticed there was a little brown spider crawling in her hair. ACK!

Normally I am a complete chicken when it comes to spiders, but being unable to get up and run (stupid crutches) I was forced to deal with the situation. I’d also had a little liquid courage in the form of a Coconut Lime Rickey (most divine alcoholic drink ever created). However this liquid courage had also slightly impaired my normal thought process. Now before you continue I need to stress that I had only had one drink. I wasn't wasted, not even close to drunk. I was just a little...happy.

Instead of taking immediate action I leaned over to another friend at the table and said, “There is a spider crawling in Cheryl’s hair!” I said it in a half whisper half hiss and then looked back at Cheryl. The spider was back on the move and without pausing I just reached up, grabbed a handful of her hair and yanked that spider out. I was trying to kill the spider in the process so I had closed my fist around her hair and was pulling it down in order to get the spider out. I didn’t warn her and she hadn’t heard me tell the other friend what was going on. I got the spider and thankfully Cheryl doesn’t have a sensitive scalp so my yanking didn’t hurt her. The look of surprise on her face was priceless. The rest of the table thought it was pretty funny too.

In hindsight I’ve decided that you should a) not tell other people about the spider before taking action because you lose valuable time and b) warn the person who is wearing the spider that you are about to rip it out of their hair.

In the end it all worked out and Cheryl was very appreciative that I saved her from what was sure to be an imminent death. I was the hero of the day!

Bless the Coconut Lime Rickey!

Like a bump on a log...

First things first, fried twinkies are AWESOME! If you own a fryer, fry one. If you don't own a fryer find someone who does and fry one. It's easy, just a simple batter recipe, plop it in the batter, plop battered twinkie in the fryer and fry for one or two minuets. Heaven for your mouth.

I don't have any pictures just yet, but next round that we fry up I promise to take one. They are crispy like a funnel cake on the outside, and ooey gooey warm in the inside. I intend to play around with this more and perhaps work on some berry sauces to drizzle over the fried twinkie. A new take on Strawberry Shortcake perhaps? My grandmother considers a twinkie with fresh strawberries on it Strawberry Shortcake. She often serves it up in a coolwhip bowl that she has probably owned for years. Yes it's a little, shall we say white trash? But I embrace it, because she makes some weird foods but they taste better than just about anything in this world. She just happens to live in a different world. Southern Illinois, her little township, in particular is way out there. I mean way out there! Like there are only 15 roads in the city proper total and I can send mail to her with just her name, the city and the zip code and it will get to her.

Anyway, fry up a twinkie. You'll thank me later. I promise.

In other news I'm still waiting on a surgery date for my ankle. Apparently my claims lady took a week long vacation and didn't make a decision before leaving. She also didn't call to tell me she'd be gone. So I'm a bit frustrated. As of next week I will have had a broken ankle for two complete months. That is a long time to hobble around on crutches. It's a long time to sleep in a different bed than you spouse because you can't possible be comfortable unless your foot is propped up and then the covers become an issues, and well the foot just makes it difficult. Two months is a long freaking time to be in pain! I have two pain pills left. I save them for when I really, really need them which is rare, but sometimes I do need them to get though the night. I'm afraid I'll have to take up drinking if I don't get a refill soon. Yes, drinking and a fryer, that will make me one pretty chick! :)

I hope this claims lady approves surgery first thing Monday. I want to get this over with. I'm tired. I'm tired of sitting on the couch every evening and weekend, I'm a bump on a log, as Grandma Alice would say. I can hear her now in that unique Southern Illinois drawl, "You just gonna sit there all day like a bump on a log?" She's not from the South, but she talks like she is.

I'm going to go fry something, maybe I'll batter up an oreo cookie...that can't be bad right?

Happy weekend to you all!

Well shut my mouth and fry me up a twinkie!

I really didn't think he'd do it. He's been on a health kick for a while now and was none to pleased when I asked for it. I think he rolled his eyes every time I mentioned it and at one point even insisted that I could not have it.

In the end he either wanted to make me happy, or really had no other idea for what to get me. I tend to think it was the latter, but either way I'm super happy! And I can now fry twinkies, or corn dogs, or tater tots, or hot wings, or mozzarella sticks! I can fry what ever I want!

This is my super duper new fryer that Scott gave me for my birthday! Mine is black but I can't find any pictures of it online and I'm too lazy to get up, find the camera, take a photo then put it on the laptop...

He also bought me whole carton of twinkies! We are so frying those up tomorrow!

So, yes, now I can fry to my hearts content. Perhaps not the best thing for a person who can't make it to the gym for another eight weeks or so, but it still makes me happy!

It was a great day in all. I'm not exactly pleased to be older, but today I don't feel as off kilter or bitter about it as I have on other days. Plus we got to have good southern food at the Delta Cafe for dinner and now I can try to fry up my own at home!

The girls at work took me out for lunch, and I got a few presents. It was a good day.

I've also done a lot more thinking about this vacation thing, and really appreciate all the advice. I think you're all right. We should take a vacation because you can't wait for life to happen. You have to make it happen and work around things as the come up! So vacation planning has commenced. I don't know when or where we'll go, but I can at least dream freely now!

You down with OPA?

That's Over Planners Anonymous... yeah you know me!

Hello, my name is Erin and I’m an obsessive planner. There I’ve said it. I know I need help. I know it’s over the top. I know that making six spreadsheets about the same thing will not make the outcome any different…

I spent all of Sunday afternoon researching a vacation that I probably shouldn’t take.

You see I like to have a vacation or something planned to look forward to. It really helps push me through the very gray days we see here in the NW. Spring can last until June here, and by Spring I mean, rain, drizzle, rain, more rain and dark clouds.

The vacation that we’d planned for NYC was the perfect escape. But of course it’s not going to happen. I’d thought of just planning another trip to NYC in the summer, but Scott’s new job won’t allow that. In fact the only time he can really take a vacation is the deep winter, when no one wants to buy or build decks and fences.

So I sat on the couch yesterday in my PJ’s and daydreamed about Hawaii and Mexcio. I even went so far as to look up condo rental prices and found some awesome deals for December. And of course the airfare is awesome because we have tickets already paid for, just waiting to be used.

All sounds perfect, except a) I feel bad if we don’t actually make it to NYC but NYC in cold, wet winter sounds like not so much fun to me and b) If IVF is successful I’d be a few months along in December. Traveling to Mexico while pregnant maybe not a good idea? But I did find that the resort town has a hospital emergency room staffed by English speaking doctors from Miami. But what a horrible place to be faced with complications. Who knows!

I’d already kind of decided to push the IVF back to July because I’m going to Illinois for a wedding in June. I didn’t think trying to travel to the Midwest in summer while also taking meds that can cause hot flashes was the best idea. Plus I think my family would appreciate it if my moods aren't swinging from Iowa to Indiana while there.

But then I feel pretty guilty for even thinking about vacation. Where are my priorities? Baby vs. Vacation. Who wins? Can I have both? Should I just chill out forget about it? I’m frustrated. My SIL went to Hawaii while five months pregnant with twins. She called it her babymoon. Last chance for tropical paradise before life changed forever. Plus she said being in the water was heaven.

I know the answer is to wait and see. See if you get pregnant. See what the doctor says. See how you feel. I hate waiting to see! I need some instant gratification! Maybe new shoes will help…oh wait, I can’t even wear normal shoes right now! Dagnabit! Give me some butter clumps stat!

Sunday already?

It's Sunday, and I can't believe the weekend is almost over?!? How does that happen? Where does it go? I shouldn't complain. I've had a pretty good weekend. Dinner on Friday was nice, game night last night was fun, I even got to have a facial yesterday compliments of my best friends. It's been a pretty awesome weekend really.

Funny story - we played Scattergories last night at game night. One of my co-workers was sitting next to me. We rolled and got the letter "B". We had to come up with a bunch of b letter words including a dessert. I put Banana Cream Pie. Co-worker but Butter Clumps. Say what? What on earth is a Butter Clump? In trying to explain himself he got the giggles as did another co-worker. They were near tears over Butter Clumps. Admit it, it's fun to say "Butter Clumps". I might even put it in this post a few more times just for the fun of it. Anyway, I've never had one so I had to ask what they are and question whether or not he'd get a point for that answer. Butter Clumps my friends are butter, sugar and flour. Basicly what you get in the mixer before you add eggs when making cookies or cake. I still don't know if it qualifies as a desert, but it was such a good laugh we gave it to him!

I did get a chance to talk to my SIL who is a nurse yesterday (she was nice enough to take me to the grocery store so I could get a few things) and she explained what it will be like when I have the surgery on my ankle. She actually did a rotation at the hospital and with the doctors who will be doing my surgery. It's nice to have an expert explain things to me. She's also had more surgeries that anyone I know!

I'm a super planner so knowing the step by step process of the surgery is really helpful to ease my fears and anxiety. At this point I'm the most worried about the pain. On the one hand it seems like my ankle has been broken for six weeks now, how much worse can it be? But then they are going to cut me open! That has got to hurt! Maybe a butter clump would make it better?

When I first heard that surgery was going to happen I kind of freaked out a bit. I even thought of postponing IVF even further just because I'm not sure I'll be completely healthy by May or June. But then I thought about it and decided we've waited long enough. If doctors think it's okay, then I think it's okay. So as soon as I hear from the ankle doctors about my surgery date I'm going to contact our IVF coordinator just to touch base and get ready for May/June. It's really not that far away...

Happy Butter Clumps to you!

Recipe for a perfect weekend

One Bottle Pinot Blanc
One Bottle Pinot Noir
One Six Pack Diet Cherry Coke
One Six Pack Beer
One Veggie Pizza
One Meat-tastic Pizza
One Salad
One Rented Movie
Five Pints Various Ben & Jerry's flavors
One Box of cookies
Five Super Good Friends
One Pretty Awesome Husband
Multiple inappropriate comments
Multiple laughs over inappropriate comments

Mix together in basement near TV and couch and enjoy!

Recipe creator is not responsible for boys who partake then burp and fart just to annoy their spouses!

Recipe creator has discovered that by some miracle of nature when all ingredients are combined there are no calories associated!


That's my plan for Friday Night, and a Game Night on Saturday to follow up! Perfect weekend to take my mind off upcoming ankle surgery and nixed vacation. Do hope you all have fabulous weekends as well!

If you're here visiting with ICWL, Welcome! Just a bit of background for you, I'm a 30something who has, along with my husband Scott, been trying to have a baby for the better part of seven years. This year we decied to get serious about our atempts are are planning to persue IVF in May or June. Just a few more blood tests and we're all set! For now we're trying to take it easy and "relax" before the hard stuff starts!


Dear 2009,

I feel like we got off on the wrong foot. Literally. Let's start over okay? I could really use a few good months in a row to restore the faith in you that I had when you began. Remember that other letter I wrote you? Here's a link just in case. If you can't get your act together I'm going back to being an even numbered year believer. I'm sorry to give you an ultimatum but I can't take any more of this. Get it together 2009! I mean it!

2009 Bad Luck Recipient

Dear Ankle,

Ankle, I don't really know how to say this. I can't threaten to give up on you because you're attached to me no matter what. But Ankle, I'm very disappointed in you. After all we've been though, gymnastics, jungle gyms, cheerleading, trampolines, walks, bikes and many hikes I'd think you'd recognize my need for you on a daily basis. I expected better from you. I'm not an 80 year old woman with bone loss issues. You should have healed better and in a more timely fashion. Your failure to comply with typical healing practices has cost me six weeks thus far and will probably cost me another six to eight. You've also cost me a vacation. If you were a normal employee you'd have been fired a long time ago.

You're time line for healing is not only inconsiderate to me, but to others in my life, not to mention other parts of my body that now hurt because of your failure to knit. You can't be selfish like this Ankle. You need to get it together too. I don't know if you and 2009 are in cahoots but if I find that you two plotted this I will seek retribution. This will server as your official warning. You are now on probation.

Angry Ankle Owner

Dear NYC,

I am very sorry to be writ ting this letter NYC. I feel like we had a good thing planned. It was going to be a lovely one week get together. I dreamed about your entertainment options, your delectable restaurants and your beautiful city scapes. I even bought a book about you so I could know you better when we got there.

It's been 17 years since I last saw you NYC. I'm sure things have changed dramatically, not the least of which is The World Trade Center. I'm hoping we'll be able to make it there sometime later in the year because I do feel the need to visit the site once again.

NYC, I really am sorry. Please feel free to file grievances with 2009 and Ankle should you feel the need to. Ankle is currently under probation for it's behaviour and role in this entire debacle. You should know that Ankle will be out of commission for the next six to eight weeks after surgery to repair it so it will have plenty of time to reflect on it's misdeeds.

Save me a cupcake and big slice of Pizza! We're going to make it to you some how, some day!

Wistfully Thinking of The Big Apple

Luck of the Irish?

Still quite a grumpy grump yesterday I'd vowed not to come back here and post anything until I was in a better mood as no one needs to see me nasty and grumpy all the time. And I was still quite defeated and grumpy when I left work yesterday, still couldn't shake the candy melt debacle (yes I know I need to let things go), and just in general despair over normal daily life. Let's face it, I was a sour puss. But then something happened.

I decided I'd listen to some good music for the ride home and luckily my trusty pink iPod Berry was still in my car and thankfully she plugs right into Gretta the Jetta so I was able to blast the speakers and enjoy me some Jason Mraz who really, in a fun bubbly light way makes me think about things in a different light and always turns my mood around. As I drove along the main road near work I looked up and saw this:

It was much bigger in person , and not visible in the frame is the double rainbow above it. The colors were vibrant, the arc was huge, it was about as nice a rainbow as you can get. We do see them fairly often around here because in Oregon it can rain on one side of the street and be sunny on the other, but it just seemed so fitting being St. Patty's day and all. I had to take a picture. Too bad it was my phone camera! It looked like the pot o'gold would be right near my mom's house, I'm hoping she found it. She's even more Irish than I am and she's shorter too! Maybe she qualifies as a leprechaun? :)

So I took the rainbow and Mr. Mraz to heart and just decided to feel good. So I sang along as I drove home, lost sight of my pretty rainbow but kept thinking that it was just so beautiful... then I turned onto the Ross Island Bridge, close to home and saw this:

The rainbow followed me home! Luck of the Irish? Wacky Oregon weather? A sign from God? What ever it was, I'm so happy to have had two in one day.

I'm going to try and maintain this feeling as I head into my orthopedist appointment today. Dr. Barry does have pretty green eyes...

Jason Mraz - The Remedy
I saw fireworks from the freeway
And behind closed eyes I cannot make them go away
'Cause you were born on the fourth of july, freedom ring
Now something on the surface it stings
I said something on the surface
Well it kind of makes me nervous
Who says that you deserve this
And what kind of god would serve this?
We will cure this dirty old disease
If you've got the poison I've got the remedy

The remedy is the experience.
This is a dangerous liaison
I say the comedy is that it's serious.
This is a strange enough new play on words
I say the tragedy is how you're gonna spend
The rest of your nights with the light on
So shine the light on all of your friends
When it all amounts to nothing in the end.

I won't worry my life away.

I won't worry my life away.

News at 10 - Local Girls Ass Kicked By Candy Melts!

I got my ass kicked by candy melts today. I hate to even admit it, because I like to just be good at things, but candy making apparently is not within my skill set. I was really excited too. Candy is something my grandmother used to do and I thought it would be cool to pick up one of her hobbies. I had a great tutorial to follow. I was going to make adorable treats for the office for St. Patrick's Day. I had taken great photos of all my prep work to share with you. And then....well then the cake bites I'd hand rolled and plopped in green melted candy came out looking like gigantic boogers because the candy didn't coat smoothly and the cake started to crumble. It wasn't pretty. I'm not proud of myself at all. I think I know what I did wrong but I felt so defeated by the damn candy melts that I gave up and decided not to retry today. Honestly it was really hard to move around the kitchen and I wore myself out. Maybe I'll try again tomorrow...

So the candy kicked my ass and had me this close to tears. And then I was watching an episode of The Biggest Loser that we had on the DVR and the black team got to have pedicures and I got teary because this year I can't have my traditional birthday pedicure. And I know it's stupid because I can have one when my foot is better, but dammit I'm tired of waiting to do things until this foot gets better and I look forward to my birthday pedicure. I looked at Scott and mid sentence lost it when I said in a completely whiney voice "I can't even have my pedicure next week." And then I cried more because the blue team lost and I'm so sick of the smug black team winning.

So to feel better I grabbed my handy lap top and logged on to read blogs and catch up on facebook and came back to find a pregnancy announcement from an old friend and two facebook status updates pertaining to pregnancy from two different people. I slammed my laptop shut and finnaly just let the tears fall full force. I feel like a shit because the truth is I'm happy that my freinds are having babies. I really, really am. And I can't seem to explain to people, even Scott, why I get so upset when I find out about another persons pregnancy. It really isn't that I'm mad at them. I'm jealous, and angry with my own situation and that turns into Ugly Envious Erin. It's just so easy for some people and it's hard to constantly be confronted with the fact that it's not easy for me. Even Charlie Sheen had more babies this weekend! And he named one of those poor babies Bob. The news report said Bob, not Robbie or Bobbie, not even Robert or Rob, no they named him Bob. I know lots of nice Bobs, my grandfather is a Bob, but it's not a little baby name!

There are eight people in my life who are currently expecting. Some close to home, some not. Some family, some not. Either way, it's eight people who I have to hear about, talk to and deal with when it actually hurts to do so. I got an invitation to a shower this weekend too. I have a month to decide whether I'll attend, but I think I can say at this point that I won't be going. Too painful. Long time, childhood friend of Scott's who really is sweet, but she's got other friends who can make her day special. Maybe I'll send a gift with my MIL.

I was doing so good at not being Ugly Envious Erin. I've been thinking positively and taking steps to move us toward our own bundle of joy. I've been pushing though things. And then those damn candy melts kicked my ass and defeated me and the flood gates fell and BOOM! She's back. I can feel the funk setting in and I can't even get to the gym to work it out. I can't even go to the store by myself to get more freaking candy melts to try the stupid Cake Bite Recipe again! I can't do any of the things that make me feel better because my stupid ankle is lame.

Okay, I feel like I've whined enough tonight. Need to gain some perspective. Need to remind myself that we're fortunate for so many other things. Need to foucs.

New London = New Dublin

Strangely enough when I decided to post some blogs about St. Patty’s Day I stumbled upon this picture.

Kind of silly just in the fact that grown men are dressed in all green to change the city’s name. And notice that it take four men to hold up the ladder. Maybe that's due to the snow? Slippery ladder in snow! One of them is working much harder than the rest. He's really putting his weight into it. Funnier still is that it’s the city I spent many of my summers in while my dad was living there. It’s tiny. Population of about 7,500 people total. To me it was the quintessential Wisconsin town, complete with a cheese factory!

I had no idea they had a St. Patrick’s Day Parade. Of course I was only ever there in June, July and August. Great little town though. Many memories of days in the river, bbq-ing with family friends, and my first ever opossum sighting! My dad lived right on the Wolf River, down the road from the cheese factory, and there was a lot of wild life to be seen. Apparently there are Leprechauns living there too!

I don’t know if the Werbelow family still lives there, but if by chance someone stumbles upon this, and knows them, tell them Erin says hello!

In other news, it's Saturday and I've spent the bulk of my day on the couch. Scott is working and I still can't walk on my stupid foot so my mobility is limited. Foot also hurts quite a bit these days. Not sure if that's normal for broken bones... So I've been reading and watching TV. I think I've decided that the best birthday present ever would be Tim Gunn taking me shopping. I love him.

Erin Go Bragh!

Or as Scott said last night, Erin Go Bragh-less! I know he’s feeling better when he makes comments like this!

St. Patty’s day is coming, that means spring is around the corner and I need to find something green to wear next week.

I used to tell people that because my name is Erin, and actually means Ireland, I am exempt from all this pinching business regardless of my wearing green or not. Turns out pincher type people of the world don’t fall for that so now I have to find something green every year. Stupid pincher people.

Regardless, I do love St. Patty’s day. It marks the one week mark until my birthday which I think constitutes an entire week of celebration! So, I think I might do some fun St. Patrick’s Day themed blogs leading up to the day the Emerald Isle celebrates its patron saint, but even more fun, the day we drink loads of green beer, eat corned beef and cabbage and kiss complete strangers just because they say they're Irish! Perhaps we should also get some green mouthwash for cleaning mouths after kissing strangers...Not that I know ANYTHING about kissing strangers, I'm a married woman for peeps sake!

Things that make you feel old...

....sitting in the Urgent Care waiting room, listening to a parent check their child in, a child that is old enough to have strangely dyed hair and low slug pants that threaten to fall off, and hearing them list the kids birth date as the year you graduated from high school. The kid was almost as tall as me, with bright orange hair and looked like someone right out of a All American Rejects video on MTV. Hey at least I know who the All American Rejects are right? Baaaaahhh!

So we spent some of our evening at urgent care. Scott was finally sick enough to let me take him in. Turns out he has a cold, maybe the flu and pink eye. So we now have cough syrup with codeine so he can get some sleep and on his way to recovery. Oh and eye drops for his icky eyeballs. No idea where he got pink eye?? Our niece and nephews don't have it and they are usually the culprits when one of us is sick. I like to refer to them as the walking petrie dishes. Very strange. The doctor did try to give him cough syrup with vicodin in it. I had no idea that even existed! Scott doesn't do well with vicodin so he got the codeine instead, but I'm thinking next time I need cough medicine I'll be asking for the good stuff!

Luckily he made it though his first day of work today, despite being sicker than I've ever seen him in the tweleve years we've been together. Yep, that's right, he started work! Hooray! It's not exactly what he was hired for but rather than have him sit at home and wait they brought him in for another position temporarily, we'll take what ever we can get!

Other than that the only exciting thing I did today was buy some comfrey leaves (aka knitbone) and researched how to make a poultice and tea out of it. It supposedly has wonderful healing properties and aids in the healing of fractures, sprains and many other things. I kind of felt like Hermione in herbology class when I got home. I've never made a poultice before. So we'll see how it goes.

In some superdeduper good news, a few blog writers that I follow have gotten some good news in the last few days/weeks, getting BFP on the pee stick! So congrats girls! I'm so happy for you! Your perserverence and positive results keep the rest of us going!

Clear the road!

Beep! Beep! That's the sound one makes while backing up in the motorized shopping carts at I finally broke down and used one today knowing there was no way I could cover all that ground on my crutches. It was a bit scary at first and I know Scott thought I was being overly cautious at first, but it's a very strange thing to drive a little cart in a store! However strange though, it was AWESOME! I didn't get tired, I covered lots of ground, little kids thought I was cool...okay so I made that last one up, but I was cool. And those things have an amazing turning radius!

We took the outing because after doing lots of reading I've determined that my ankle has a better chance of healing if I take a multi-vitamin and some extra calcium (with vitamin D added of course). Scott's sister the nurse also recommended it so I thought it would be prudent to follow her advice. I'd just seen a commercial for's new line of gummi vitamins for adults and figured that would be exceedingly better than chewables or big pills to swallow. So away to we went! My mom was nice enough to take us there and spring us from the house. Scott's nearly all better but was beginning to suffer the affects of Cabin Fever. We also got a free lunch out of the deal! Thanks Mom!

So now that I'm an experienced electrical cart driver I feel like I can go to other stores by myself and regain some of my independence and self sufficiency. That makes me feel good. I am still quite surprised by how people don't really move for you, or even step in front of you while you are obviously at a disadvantage. People were blocking entire aisles and could clearly see me, even make eye contact with me and would still not move. At one point my mom had to clear a path, or attempt to. Just kind of strange. I know I'm not that oblivious.

I also got to have an outing with my sister in law and nephew yesterday. We spent some time at the bookstore, my heaven on earth! I saw a zillion things I wanted but refrained from maxing out my credit card and settled on just one book, a guide for NYC. I'm looking forward to filling it with post-it-notes and highlighting things. I figured I shouldn't be allowed to buy any more leisure reading books until I finish all the great books that have been loaned to me since breaking my ankle. I'm currently reading a series that takes place here in the Willamette Valley and centers on a scenario where everything electrical stops working, oh and guns and steam engines too. Basically an "end of days" scenario. It's pretty interesting and even more so because it's taking place in cities and towns right around me. Unfortunately Portland proper doesn't fare so well...let's just say you want to be living near Bend if you're going to survive this!

Well, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire just started so Scott and I are going to snuggle in and watch it! Yay for Cedric Diggory! I'll take Edward in any form....vampire, wizard....

I leave you with the picture as requested....Erin in her Snuggie, reading her new NYC book! Yes I look like a monk in an ass backward robe, but I'm warm and cozy! :)

PS. It's Cadbury Cream Egg season and your local has plenty! I know this because I bought some today and enjoyed eating one immensley!


I had a follow up appointment with my orthopedist yesterday. It’s didn’t go as well as I’d hoped. Apparently my fracture is more stubborn than most and is not healing all that well. Four weeks after injury he would have liked to see some repair of bone on the x-rays, but there wasn’t any. The only good news that came out of it is that my soft tissue damage seems to be healing nicely so my pain should continue to decrease. If the fracture itself doesn’t look any better in two weeks he may consult with a surgeon and they will determine whether surgery is needed. Blech. Stupid fibula. Stupid crutches. Stupid boot cast.

I am supposed to go to NYC in four weeks. My birthday is in three. I usually love March. This March is testing my patience and it’s only the first week! I’m not looking forward to NYC with a gianormous boot attached to my leg. Somehow I think crutches in the city will be quite a challenge.

Husband has a nasty cold to add to our fun. We’re pretty pathetic. I had to call a friend to bring us Nyquil because while I can get to the store, I can’t carry anything while there. She came to the door, covered her face and handed Scott the bag of goods. Didn’t want to come in and risk contamination. It felt like we were a quarantine house!

I feel pretty helpless and I hate that. I enjoy being self sufficient and independent.

Scott’s new job, while very promising, continues to frustrate us. I hope it’s just temporary. He has yet to be given a start date and the longer the hold out the more worried I get. I know it’s not that they don’t want him. I’m certain it’s all economy driven. Please keep crossing your fingers for good news soon.

I’ve got to find something positive to do this weekend to keep me from falling into a funk. Those last few paragraphs are so pathetic…

I’ve been wanting to bake for a few weeks, not sure why, just feel the need to make something sweet and frost it. I may attempt that this weekend and see if it’s possible to maneuver around the kitchen by hopping instead of using crutches. I have some left over fondant so maybe I’ll make a mini cake and practice covering it. It’s been years since I attempted covering an entire cake. I’ll take pictures to document what is sure to be a debacle. But that’s what so great about cake decorating. Even if it’s ugly when you finish you can eat the evidence!

In super awesome news, I got a Snuggie! A co-worker of mine gifted me this week after the girls at work and I had a conversation about them. It’s everything I ever dreamed it would be. My arms stay warm when I’m reading and it’s come in very handy while I’ve been sleeping on the couch pending Scott’s recovery from his cold. Scott rolls his eyes at me every time I use it and has threatened to burn it. He also took a picture of me in it and sent it to a number of people without telling me. He’s awesome. Even with a miserable cold he finds ways to torment me. It’s that damn iPhone!

Sigh....I'm so happy it's Friday!

As luck would have it...

Warning: This post is the length of a short novel and should be separated into chapters….it also changes tone and pace throughout so it’s kind of a mess, but it’s me.

I’m a pretty lucky gal. Sometimes I fall into my own pity party, but for the most part I’m pretty lucky as far as the world goes. I had two really wonderful things happen to me this week that are evidence of this luck. Two people, one co-worker, and one high school buddy both took the time to do something for me that was incredibly thoughtful and meaningful. Each presented me with a gift meant to help in the infertility process. How lucky and I to be surrounded by people like this? Super lucky.

My co-worker made me a CD filled with music for changing times and moods, geared specifically for me. This is incredibly touching for me because music is such a huge part of me. I feel music. Having this CD gives me a place to go to feel something when I need it, or even change my mood when I need it. She must have spent a lot of time on it because each song has a purpose. How special to have someone spend that kind of effort on a gift. The first track is “Anticipation” by Carly Simon! So fitting as it’s a real feeling I can relate to. Some of the songs are serious (Don’t Dream It’s Over – Crowded House); some provide humor (Give It To Me Baby – Rick James). It’s really a very special gift.

My high school buddy Tina put together what I call a “Happy Box” for me. She had read on my blog about how I was going to work on a box filled with things to help distract myself or reward myself when things were tough and she decided I might need more than one box. So incredibly kind! It was filled with all sorts of things, silly things to make me laugh, a music box to remind me about “What a Wonderful World” we live in, marshmallows which everyone knows I adore, and even more incredible items. I was so touched by her thoughtfulness and her time spent. We even got to have a great visit when she dropped it off.

Both gifts were incredibly personal and well thought out and it was a wonderful reminder that even people who don’t deal with infertility can relate to, care for, and help me. It’s also proof that fertiles can be sensitive to infertiles. I really can’t explain how much their gifts touched me. It’s a warm fuzzy feeling times 100! They also made me feel connected to the outside world.

I think it’s really easy to get wrapped up in infertility. Just reading about it and learning about it can be consuming. You can feel isolated because it seems like other people can’t possibly know what you’re going through. It’s easy to fall into the black whole of infertility and lose touch with your old self and in turn your old life. It’s a fine line to between becoming completely enveloped by infertility and learning to deal with this monster that threatens to devour you. Because it can devour you. Your thoughts are baby, baby, baby followed by basal body temp, follicle count, embryo size and so on and so on. Your fertile friends don’t even know what you’re talking about and they feel isolated from you because they don’t know what those things mean let alone what you need to hear. Then you’re on two different levels and you can’t seem to find any middle ground. It’s a friendship disaster in the making.

I even find that it’s a struggle to keep my blog interesting enough that my non IF readers still find it somewhat entertaining and at the same time, find new connections with fellow IFers who I can learn from and will be a great support as we tackle IVF.

So many thoughts running through my head all the time, it’s hard to make sense of it and find some cohesion. And then there are those connections, people who step outside the normal boundary and present you with a little something to remind you that even though they don’t personally know what you are going though, they are still thinking about you and making the effort to let you know it. From something as simple as leaving a comment on a blog, to something as elaborate as a care package, those connections mean the world. They are the life bridge to normal.

Normal is all I ever wanted to be. I didn’t want to be an infertile. I didn’t choose this path. I don’t think anyone in their right mind would choose this. It’s painful and frustrating. It’s emotional and pervasive. It’s a royal pain in the ass. But it is what it is, and I can’t make it change. What I can do is step back now and then, watch what’s going on around me and acknowledge that IF and Non-IF worlds can coexist, and quite nicely if you let them. I can make the effort not to let it consume me and dominate my friendships, and my friends can make the effort to let me know they still think about me and my lack of bouncing baby from time to time. Balance. Beautiful balance. That’s the word.

Thank you Alyssa and Tina, for providing me with balance. And thank you to everyone who reads this and makes me feel heard. See, I’m a pretty lucky gal!

Wham! The Psychic was right!?!?

A few months ago I went to see a psychic. I even blogged about it. It was fun, and I then life went on as normal...In fact I'd completely, well not completely, but mostly forgotten about some of the things she said until a co-worker mentioned it, thinking that she remembered the psychic saying something about Scott getting work in March.

So last night when I got home I pulled out tape recording she'd made and popped it into Scott's old walkman. By the way, finding a tape player was not an easy task. We've graduated so far beyond them that we didn't know if we'd even have one in the house, let alone one that worked! I can't even remember the last time I bought a tape let alone listened to one. I do remember the FIRST tape I ever got, Wham! Yes WHAM! George Michael in day glow pink shirts and white pants. The 80's were awesome. Just in case you forgot what that looked like, here are some pic's for your viewing pleasure....

Now that tape was released in 1984, making me six years old. I think I probably got it the next year. It's been 25 years and I still like Wake Me Up Before You Go that stands the test of time my friends.

I took that tape to Illinois for the summer and somehow lost it. I think my cousin Amanda who was in love with Bon Jovi at the time wasn't too keen on listening to her baby cousins kind of music...or maybe I just tossed it somewhere without thinking about it. Strange enough, the next year or maybe even longer than that I was back up in her room and found the tape under her bed. The details are fuzzy, but it was my WHAM tape and I was actually super excited to find it. It was like it was meant to come back to me, it was meant to be...

And that is my lame attempt to segway back to what I was originally posting about. Tangent much?

Okay, so the psychic tape. I listened to it. She does actually say that Scott will kind of struggle for a bit when finding work. Then she says that she sees Spring as better, definitely March or April, but early spring will bring a job or two. Maybe two projects. Custom work. She asks "Does he do a lot of custom work?" And I say yes, because he does. But she keeps repeating the word "custom" and always comes back to March or April. She also says that he will stay in his field because it's what he does, what he knows. She can't see him working in another field.

So here's the deal. He is staying in his field even though he briefly considered taking a job in a different one. He actually had two job offers at the same time. He is starting work in March, will probably be in his real full capacity job title in April after training. He is going to be doing custom work, and the word "custom" is actually part of the company's name. Coincidence? Maybe. Regardless, kind of fun to go back and hear her get some things right. It certainly makes me wonder if she'll be right about the other things she mentioned. Especially in relation to us having children.

When I saw her in November she recommended I see an acupuncturist...OHSU just gave me a list of recommended acupuncturist to use while pursuing fertility treatments. She said a bit more than that in relation to infertility but I'm not going to put it out here for public view just yet. But I will say that I hope the lady was right.

Do they make dentures for dogs?

This weekend Olivia lost another tooth. That makes three in the last few months. Normal for puppies, not normal for ten year old dogs. We've known she's had bad teeth for a while. Our last trip to the vet they told us she was perfectly healthy except for some pretty bad teeth. Apparently they are what are causing her horrible breath. The estimate to have them pulled was more then $1800...and that was just an estimate.

Say what? $1800! I haven't spent that much on my teeth in the last few years and they could use it! In the end we decided she wasn't in any pain and she was clearly able to eat anything we put in front of her. We should have named her Hoover or Dyson as she pretty much just vacuums up any food in her dish. Plus we didn't have the money. With Scott not working, things like doggy dental work have kind of taken a back seat to other things. Like paying the electric bill.

I've been very torn about our decision not to pay for the dental work. Olivia, despite her grumpy old lady demeanor is my baby, and I like to think I'm a good mommy and dog owner. She is extremely healthy otherwise and I think she's a pretty happy dog as far as grumpy dogs go. This dog pretty much wants for nothing. In fact if I could come back in another life as a dog I might want to be her. She has two beds, three blankets, countless collars and leashes and she gets to sleep on the couch all day!

Now she's missing these teeth and I can tell that a few others in the front are pretty loose. When I push on them they move a bit. I'm surprised because the vet had only mentioned the teeth in the back of her mouth needed assistance. If this keeps up she'll soon be missing her trademark under bite!

I'm a little extra worried because when our beloved Cocker Spaniel Mollie started having teeth and gum problems it was the precursor to the cancer that took her from us.

I guess I'm going to have to break down and take her in for a check up. I hate to pay money for them to say once again that she needs $1800+ worth of dental work. But I know that if there is a serious infection it can spread to her blood stream and she can get very ill. I don't even want to think about that.

So I guess the question is, do they make dentures for dogs? And will I have to put them in for her and clean them? Because that's a whole new level of nasty. Or will her one and only doggy wish for wet food all the time finally come true?

I guess it would be nice not to need a gas mask every time she yawns....

Sweet baby dog, who I guess isn't much of a baby anymore.