So many things to do, so few weekend days!

I had great plans for today. I was going to try new recipe. I was going to organize and rip out all the articles I wanted to save in my many magazines. I was going to clean out my dresser and make a pile for goodwill. I was going to give the dog a bath. I was going to go to the gym. I was going to clean the kitchen. I was going to trim the rose bushes down just a bit more. I was going to fill up my new recipe binder with all my random recipes.

I was going to do a lot of things. Maybe I was a bit too ambitious.

I did make a new recipe out of my crock pot cookbook. It was fantasticly yummy and super easy because it was in the crock pot. Spicy Asian Pork for lettuce wraps. Yum.

I did clean the kitchen, though I must say it was a little half assed. I didn't mop and I didn't take the stove apart to clean the burner catcher thingies.

I didn't make it to the gym but I did check out the exercise offerings on On Demand and found some Biggest Loser options. There was one offered by Bob who I love so I tried it out. Bob kicked my ass. He said he was going to, and he did. He also had us do punches and told us to aim for him, so I did. Felt good to "hit" Bob with a little aggression. The whole time I was doing this, Olivia was of course underfoot. She won't sit on the couch or her bed while I work out, but she gets upset when you step on her. I'm going to have to keep the water bottle in my hand next time and squirt her to keep her out of my way. If I get her enough times maybe that could be considered giving her a bath? Nah, she'll still be stinky.

Other than those three things I did nothing on my list. I won't get to them tomorrow either because it's Super Bowl Sunday! We'll be watching the game at Greg's parents house with the old crew and I'm actually really excited to see them all together in one room. I'm so glad Andy thought of it and made it happen.

I really need three day weekends I think.

The Best Man Has Cancer

I don’t recall the first time I met Greg. I’m sure it was some moment in high school. We were both students at Tigard High School, though he was a year ahead of me. I knew some of his friends and was deeply twitterpated with one of them. Still I don’t remember meeting him there.

The first time I can remember meeting Greg and actually speaking to him was while visiting the now infamous college house of the “G Crew” boys. More about them later…

Greg was visiting the University of Oregon just like I was. Scott and I had just started dating and it was customary for us to make the three hour drive from Portland to Eugene nearly every weekend. Greg was attending school in Corvallis at Oregon State.

Those nights at 1140 Patterson Street were filled with beer, card games, loud music and despite the icky bachelor pad house, some of the best guys you’ll ever meet. We spent many weekends there and I’d have to say that Greg and I were usually the more sober kids. We drank, but for the most part neither of us ended up on the thirty year old shag carpet that hadn’t been vacuumed let alone cleaned since its installation!

There was one night in particular that I remember very clearly. It was special and I’m glad that I was there to witness it. It was I think, the first adult “holy crap we’re growing up” step they would witness and of course it was Greg who would jump into that adulthood ravine first.

He’d bought the ring. He was going to ask Shana to marry him.

The rest of the guys were so far away from making this sort of decision that Greg’s choice stuck out like a sore thumb. Of course I thought it was incredibly romantic and was instantly jealous of Shana, who I’d yet to meet.

He had a plan. He was going to fly down to Mexico where she was studying for the term, pop the question as soon as he got off the plane and they’d live happily ever after.

The other girls at the party and I “oohhed” and “awed” about his plan and toasted him with our fuzzy navel wine coolers.

The next morning all of the visitors sleeping in the basement slowly woke as the sunshine filtered though the small foundation windows. Scott, still half asleep rolled over and very clearly, very loudly said “Yes Erin, it’s two months salary,” as if he was completely disgruntled for having to tell me. He was of course referring to the cost of an engagement ring, but I’d never asked. His subconscious was working overtime. Greg and I both had a good chuckle out of it.

Greg and Shana did get married a year or so later. They were the first in our little crowd to do so. Scott was Greg’s best man and the next year Greg would serve the same role for Scott when he and I married. Shana was also a bridesmaid for me. Greg would recount the “Two Months Salary” story in his toast at our wedding. Our lives would be interwoven for years, vacations to the beach, trips to Seattle, moving them into various apartments and eventually the boys became business partners.

In 2006 our Best Man was diagnosed with cancer. Happily ever after was challenged by Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and today he still fights it.

Last night on my way home from work I was sitting in my car, thinking about Greg and was working to recall some of my memories. I’ve known him so long now that many of them have faded and are harder to picture. So I decided that I needed to write down what I remember, least I forget even one of them. This is the beginning of that task, though I don’t know that it will really be a task. Reliving memories is a trip back in time to some great moments.

A few of those G-Crew boys like to tease me that I remember more about those college days than they do. Not entirely surprising considering the beer consumption in that time. I think that as I begin to work on putting the memories to paper I will actually be writing out the story of the G-Crew. I’m wondering if I should change the names to protect the not so innocent? I’m wondering if they really have any idea about the things I remember?

For now though, I’ll focus on Greg and my many memories with him. Like the time we tried to go crabbing in Newport and our frozen chicken bait floated away. Or maybe the time he and Shana came to visit us in Sherwood when we played Truth or Dare Jenga and Greg ended up wearing Shana’s pajamas on a dare. He was such a good sport. So many memories….

If a container of Half & Half goes missing do you put it's picture on the side of a milk carton?

The half & half went missing at work today. By "missing" I mean someone used the last of it yesterday, threw out the carton and didn't tell anyone. That meant that this morning when I made coffee for the office only the people who drink it black were happy. That's one person out of eight happy. The seven people who were unhappy are big time coffee drinkers.

This coffee travesty has now occurred three times in as many weeks! I have three suspects and I am considering buying a fingerprint kit to get to the bottom of it. I've thought about hiding the half & half but finding a refrigerated hiding spot proves to be difficult. Maybe I should put it in container you can't see through and label it Wheat Germ Carrot Juice. No body would drink that right?

Maybe it sounds petty or trivial, but you don't mess with coffee drinkers. They need it to function, especially when it's cold, wet and dark out in the morning. We live in Oregon, it's always cold, wet and dark!

Lack of coffee set off a case of the grumpies and that spreads faster then yellow fever in 1800's Memphis (did I mention I'm reading a book about the yellow fever?). A grumpy office isn't much fun but does provide all sorts of entertainment. At least we weren't snarking at each other, just snarking in general.

I'll stop and buy more half & half tomorrow on my way to work. I'll buy the biggest damn container I can find and maybe it will last longer then a week! And maybe the email I sent out reminding people to tell me when it was all gone will help the matter...I mentioned that I was snarky today right?


Went to OHSU for the rest of my blood work today. Not one compliment! Dang it. It did start snowing while I was there and it was really snowing as I drove into work. Such a strange winter we're having. I can't remember having this much snow ever. Nothing else exciting to report so I had some fun with this:

I've seen this on a few blogs lately, it seemed fun plus gave me some new ideas for things to accomplish...

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/World
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang/played a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables.
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Made a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

I heart compliments

I went to have my day three blood test yesterday. Getting up and heading to the clinic at 9am on a Saturday wasn't my idea of the way to kick start the weekend but it was the only time they could poke me. When I sat down the nurse complimented my veins. I've gotten use to this over the years. The Red Cross loves my veins and always makes a comment when I'm donating, still it's always a little funny to be complimented on something like that.

That compliment is #3 for the baby making process. I think I will keep track of them from now own. Compliments aren't always prevalent and I'll take 'em where I can get 'em!

So in order:
#1 Told that I have a very nicely shaped uterus.
#2 Told that I have youthful ovaries
#3 Told that I have the veins of a phlebotomist's dreams

This of course is a list only someone dealing with IF can admit to having. We've had all this blood work before but it's been a few years and with a new RE we're kind of starting all over.

I go back on Tuesday for more blood work. If I am not complimented on something I may fish for one to see what I get, like maybe I'll talk about how great I am at taking folic acid. I am not above being a sycophant in order to get compliments and or attention. I am an attention whore and I know it.

In other news my evil, crazy best friend has decided that it would be fun to convince me to do a half triathlon. 1/2 mile swim, 3 mile run, 13 mile bike ride. This does not sound like something I would want to do. This involves athleticism and stamina, two things I don't posses. Too bad you can't complete a triathlon just by having youthful ovaries...

I'll have to put A LOT of thought into this. It's been a long time since I did any sort of competitive swimming. I was very good at it, but 1/2 mile with no pool edge to hang onto or push off of seems like a really bad idea. And then that whole bike ride's gonna have to be the flattest course ever for me not to keel over and die. On the other hand I am grappling with this whole getting healthy thing. I know that if I am lucky enough to get pregnant this year that being in shape will help me in labor (yes I know I'm thinking way too far in the future) and I know that the healthier I am the healthier my child will be. So maybe that should be my motivation?

Did I mention that my bf is evil? She gets these's a good thing I like her so much. We have another friend from high school who would also be doing this triathlon so that would be fun...wait, this is nuts, I sound like I'm seriously considering it! No, no, no! I will spend one more month at the gym and see how I feel about this before I even consider this craziness.

Now, I'm off to eat a delicious cupcake that I baked yesterday.

Salad in a tub?

I grew up on fresh salads made from fresh heads of lettuce washed and dried in our own kitchen. I am of the opinion that this makes the best salad, crisp and tasty.

Lately though I've been buying those pre-washed plastic tubs of salad. They are great because you can easily close them up and use the rest later. It's pretty cheap considering what you're getting, and it's just damn easy. I always feel a little guilty about it though. Like I'm cheating and not making salad the way my mother taught me.

And yet, today I saw something that may prevent me from ever buying open, fresh lettuce again. While I was squeezing avocados I noticed a lady a few feet from me drop a head of red leaf on the ground. As she bent to pick it up she accidentally kicked it, then stepped on it, then sneezed. She didn't sneeze directly on it, but she wasn't making a real effort to send her snot in another direction either. Then she put it back in the pile! Ack! I'm not sure my super duper salad spinner has enough umph to get that head of lettuce clean!

So I'm wondering what I would have done in this situation. I know I don't want to put it back on the pile, but where do you put it? Maybe in a bag and hand it to one of the produce worker and explain what happened.

"Hi (pause to look at name tag) Tom. This fell on the ground then got stepped on and sneezed on, you probably don't want to sell it."

But then I suppose the truly right thing to do would be to buy it and toss it as soon as you leave the store, least your uber helpful husband unpacks the groceries before you can explain that you snotted on the lettuce. And then you have to admit to your husband that you stepped on, sneezed on and kicked a defensless head of lettuce and watch him roll his eyes or snicker.

Okay, maybe I've put too much thought into the lettuce debacle?

Vineyard in Winter

Here are the pictures I took a few days ago and blogged about. Sorry it took me so long to get them posted.

Estate Vineyard on a frosty January morning. It was 27° out, a thin layer of ice and a sunrise peaking though the fog. The picture is pretty, but doesn't really do it justice. Every morning the vineyard looks different. I could fill up album after album with photos but this morning in particular was just stunning, all a sparkle with winter.

Sun rising over the trees behind the vineyard. The grass is frozen, coated in the frost that almost looks like sugar. It crunched when I walked on it. This is one of my favorite views on the property. Often times I'll look out the kitchen window while making coffee and see deer, chipmunks or the little quail family . I joke with my co-workers that it's a bit like living in Snow White's world.

I've been contemplating creating a calendar or making note cards with some of the images I've taken. I made a calendar for my mom for Christmas and it was a hit. I think if I practice a bit and have more to pick from I'll have some really good shots that wine lovers would like. Something to think about...might be an answer to my sudden need to be creative.

Tomato Soup and Goldfish Crackers

That's what I'm having for lunch. It appears it might be the most exciting part of my day. Pretty lame.

I am contemplating creating some sort of ruckus either at work or maybe at the gym later today just to shake things up a bit. Maybe tuck my gym pants into my socks and count how many people look at me? Or maybe I'll sing while running. Bob on The Biggest Loser (which I LOVE) said it's really good for your breathing. I wonder if the other worker-outers would appreciate my rendition of Just Dance by Lady GaGa?

Somehow I think not.

It's only Wednesday and I'm so ready for the weekend I could spit. Well maybe not spit. But if wishing or praying could bring on a weekend it would be here already.

It seems lately that I live for my weekends. I'm kind of having one of those periods where I'm tired of my job. It's not that I don't have a good job, Lord knows I am lucky to have what I do, I just feel a little trapped by it all. I want to get out do something more creative. I want to craft and take photographs and write and bake pretty cakes. I can do all of those things while I have a job, it would just make life so much more fun if those things were my job.

I feel extra whiny today. I think AF must be on her way. Progesterone induced of course, but still on the way. I want chocolate and I want it now! I want to sleep and I want to sleep all day! I want to snark at, gossip about and sneer at people. I even like honking my horn! On the other hand I really want to snuggle and bake too. I hate what hormones do to us poor ladies. I'm like a mess of emotions, reactions and smug faces. I can't imagine that I'm all that pretty. Huge design flaw in women. Hormones exist to make us have babies (in theory) and yet they tend to make us pretty unattractive at times. I'm glad my husband still likes me.

Okay, done whining today. Going to get off my ass, run on the treadmill, listen to loud music and get out of this funk!

Stand By Your Man

I'm a bit teary today. I'm unsure if it's the progesterone, the inauguration, or my irritation that I wasn't able to watch the inauguration. It's probably all three.

I listened to the inauguration and speech on CNN Radio. My bosses were going to bring in a TV, but it didn't happen and the internet feeds were too overloaded to watch, so radio it was.

I am hopeful for this new administration. I was touched by President Obama's words. I believe that he feels the same conviction he speaks with. I want to believe that he is all that he says he is, all that everyone believes him to be. It's refreshing to see a face in the White House that doesn't make me want to throw rotten tomatoes and cow dung. I know he isn't perfect, and he wasn't my first choice, but he does stand behind many of the convictions I do and on that common ground I will support him and hope with him. I will embrace this change, because today it feels right. Today it feels like a good fit and for the first time in a very long time I feel proud of my elected officials...except Sam Adams (Mayor of Portland) but that's a whole different story...

Theme Song For Today - Beautiful Life by Fisher click on "Fisher" if you want to listen to a bit.

You may know it from the John and Kate Plus 8 commercials, but the entire song is wonderful. Makes me want to bop around outside in the crisp January sunshiney day. I think it's the perfect song for a day like today, ripe with ideas, togetherness and a sense that we're all a part of something big.

Weekend Update

My friend Cheryl and I went to see Movin' Out on Saturday. I'm not sure what I was expecting exactly. Maybe something a little like Grease but set to the music of Billy Joel? It's my fault for not reading up on it I suppose. Regardless, it was pretty and the music was fun, but all in all I have to say that Movin' Out will not go down as one of my favorite theater experiences. I like the ballet. I like Billy Joel. I don't like them together. I really wish we'd saved our money and got tickets for Wicked or Grease which are both coming to Portland this spring. Oh well...maybe Scott and I will have to go see a show in NYC....

Yep, NYC! We're going to use some air miles and go hang with Andy and Luzma for a week. We're thrilled. It's the only way we could afford a vacation this year. Sure is nice to have family in other places around the country...where Alaska flies! Plus I feel like we need to get out of Oregon for a break before we get started on the serious fertility treatments. Once we start that we have to stick fairly close to home for monitoring and all that jazz. This trip will be something to look forward to and a little reward in advance for what we may embark on. Scott has never been to The Big Apple, or anywhere on the East Coast other than Florida so we're also thinking about making a jaunt up to Boston, maybe New Haven too. Just to see a bit more of the country. I'm hoping April will be a little warmer there then it will be here, but even if it's not we'll enjoy the trip.

Other fun things this weekend, Christmas Gift Exchange with friends. We named this year Craptacular Christmas. We were all on a budget so we went very light and tried to make it personal. I had obtained all sorts of free samples to go along with little gifts. I think the samples were a hit. Who knew Splend.a, and Shampoo would make people so happy!

I was not ready for Monday morning to roll around so quickly. Somehow my weekend dissapeared way too fast. I really need a three day weekend but need to save my time off for NYC so I need to find ways to make the work weeks more bearable. I think it's time to become independently wealthy. Yep, need to work on that.

Swing High, Swing Low!

I reached into my super comfy, super puffy down vest this morning and discovered $5! It was the perfect way to start my morning. I've decided it will be an omen for the weekend. Regardless of my wacky mood swings and such it will be a good weekend.

Speaking of mood swings, on the way to work this morning, I was looking up at OHSU and it overwhelmed me. The buildings provide me with extremely mixed emotions. The view of the large hospital campus on Marquam Hill is so beautifully lit in the morning, the glass is pink from the sun rise and the misty fog of the cold morning made it seem almost ethereal. In all it's beauty all I could think of was Greg and Shana and the battle they are facing. I hate cancer. I hate that it came back after nearly a year of health and fun for them. It made me teary and I actually had to turn the radio off because the music was making it worse and I didn't want to be bawling and get the ugly cry face on my way to work then have to explain to everyone why I was red and puffier then an angry puffer fish. And then as I continued over the Ross Island Bridge I glanced over at the South Campus to my left and looked at the building that contains the Fertility Clinic and felt a little buoyed. It's the building that will play a large part in my life in the year to come. A building that will possibly give us a new little life, and then I wanted to cry again so I had plug my ipod in and listen to some of my running music which is pretty much void of anything emotional. Two very different feelings, all one hospital. It's a bit hard to reconcile what hospitals are, so many times they are a healing place, and other times not. It makes me shake my head now, hours later.

This is exactly why I can't watch ER anymore, I go from happy to sad and all the places inbetween and then I cry and Scott looks at me funny but I cry more because they killed of Dr. Pratt and then I wake up the next morning looking like someone punched me. It's not pretty.

* sigh * pause for moment *

Okay, on another topic I drove into work this morning and the same lighting that had graced OHSU was falling upon the vineyards. Thankfully, for once, I had my camera with me and got a few good shots of the rows encased in the fog. I can't pull them off the camera at the moment so I'll post them later, but they are quite pretty if I do say so myself...

On a really happy note I'm going to see Movin' Out tomorrow with Cheryl, and strangely enough Ritchie and his new girlfriend (guess she's not that new, but new to me) also have tickets so we're all going to have dinner together. Should be a perfect way to spend a Saturday eveing. I'm pretty excited actually. Musical theater makes me giddy. Like jump around the house, act out scenes, sing at the top of my lungs giddy. Scott will surely be rolling his eyes at me for the majority of the weekend. If not the musical theater bug, then surely the random crying fits!

So I'm off now, to finish my Friday then move into the blessed weekend. Hope you all have good weekends too, sleep in, it's good for you!

I'm sorry, in advance

It has begun. I've officially started medication to assist in the Meeker Baby Project. This particular medication is just for a few days so it shouldn't be too bad, but I've taken it before and it does tend to make me a raging bitch. So I apologize in advance if I snap at you or threaten to harm you in the next week.

I was reading my new book Infertility Survival Handbook last night and it's pretty brutally honest. I appreciate that, there are things I'm going to need to know, things that are good to hear from other people who have suffered the same fate. However, it's also pretty damn scary.

One of the things it talks about is losing you body to the hormones and medications. Weight gain is almost a given and because you're dealing with hormones it's often hard to shed when all is said and done. I've just started to make the effort to get my twenty-something body back and now it's bound to be lost in the mess that is progesterone! I'm going to try not to worry about it too much and just focus on eating better and making it the gym three to four times a week. There isn't much more I can do. ****Edit to include some positive thoughts**** My mother reports that after two years on Clomid, then having me, she weighed less then she had in three years! So maybe I can be skinny after too!****

Another thing it talks about is removing yourself from situations that make you upset or sad. This could be a baby shower, or little kid birthday parties, even getting your nails done with all your breeder (term for those who have babies, not to be confused with the same term used to indicate heterosexual beings rather than homosexual beings) friends. I really hope it doesn't come to that for me, but I think it's unrealistic to not think about it. I'm already jealous of mommies and daddies. I covet their babies and all the gear that comes with them. I'm sure this isn't good, but I know that it's normal for people like me. Did anyone see 30 Rock last week? Liz Lemon had the purse full of baby shoes...I'm not that bad, but there is indication that it could become that bad...

I think I'd be really sad to lose or step away from friends because I couldn't cope, or they were too frustrated by me. I know it's bound to happen at some point though. I want to say right here, in the start, that if this happens, if I somehow lose one of you it's not because I didn't/don't love you. That certainly isn't it. I think it really comes down to needing people who can care for me when I need it. That sounds a bit selfish typed out like that, and I'm not sure it's the right words to convey what I'm trying to say. It's just that, unless you've felt it, done it, been hurt by it, or survived it you may not know what I want/need. That's no fault of yours or mine. It just is.

Having said all that, my goal is to be aware of my extreme mood swings and irrational behavior. I have a tendency to lash out and hold a grudge so I'm going to work on that, but no guarantees because the nature of the drugs are irrational behavior coupled with severe mood swings and irritability. Basically you might thank your lucky stars that you don't have to see me or talk to me for a while. It should also be noted that Scott may need extra sympathy at these times. If you do want to see my head spin like the wicked witch we'll have scheduled showings :)

If it comes to a point where I'm not nice anymore, and you want to talk to me about it, email me. That's the best way. Then I don't cry and carry on and you don't feel like a jack ass for having valid and normal feelings.

So with that out in the open, let's move on! Cross your fingers for us that blood work is possible in the next week or so, that it doesn't reveal anything too terrible and that we can move on to the next step.

And now, being done with my selfish talk and requests for myself, could you also say a prayer for Greg and Shana. Greg's cancer is proving to be a real pain in the arse and I know they can use all the good thougts anyone can muster. It's quite scary to think about what this diagnoisis could mean for him, and today is his 32nd birthday....very scary indeed. Yet, he is more determined then most people in this world.

Spending money on stupid stuff...

Okay, is it wrong to buy a pregnancy test at the dollar store? And no, I'm not pregnant, but I have to take a stupid test to prove it before I can start a new medicine for baby making.

So is it okay? Tests in drug stores run around $12. Just $12, but having bought many a test, and wasted all that money on all those tests I am anti-test these days. But if I buy one at the dollar store is it deemed a real test? How could it possibly work correctly if it was just $1?!?! But since I know I'm not PG, does it matter if the test doesn't really work? I'm gonna get a BFN (big fat negative) no matter, so maybe I should just spend the $1. Then I can get it over with, take the medication, get started on a cycle so I can have blood work done and move on. What a medical delima!

I hate spending money on stupid things!

On a happy note, Gretta the Jetta's taillight is covered under our comprehensive insurance so it will only cost me $100 for the deductible rather than the $259 for the part + labor! But really, that $100 should fall under spending money on stupid things too. Some stupid thing decided to smash my car in and I'm out $100. Grrr!

PS. OHSU is super wonderful. Their nurses in the fertility clinic are very responsive, very helpful and just plain nice. So happy to be working with them. Let's see if that's the case in three or four months when they make me shoot myself with needles and such. Betcha I won't be so happy then....

Happy Monday!

Mommy's little piggy

The evidence...

The Culprit...
Note the bloated belly. Note the label from the deli, 1lb of turkey. Note that Olivia was soon overcome with a tryptophan coma and hasn't recovered yet. She did wake us up three times last night to have very large drinks of water and potty breaks.

She's never eaten that much food in one sitting so I'm sure she wasn't sure to do with herself. Hell she was so pudgy she looked like she was ready to give birth to a few puppies!

Charity had left a bag of groceries outside to keep it cold because the fridge was too full. Olivia of course found it and was in heaven. We're thankful she stopped at the turkey though because there was another pound and a half of meat in the bag in addition to about half a pound of cheese. Had she consumed it all I think we'd have made a late night trip to the vet.

She is less rolley polley tonight, but still sleeping...

In other news this weekend, Gretta the Jetta had her first taste of vandalism. Someone bashed in her tail light overnight. No other damage, obviously not hit by another car and no attempt to break in. Not sure what would posses someone to do it. Perhaps just teenagers with nothing better to do. Regardless it sucks! I'll be calling the insurance company tomorrow to see if it falls under our comprehensive insurance. I really hope that it does. The whole light is out so I'll probably get pulled over at some point. Lame.

My poor pretty car.

Maybe I love her a little too much but she's the first really nice thing I've ever been able to do for myself, all by myself. Plus she warms my ass up on cold mornings. She's just the bestest!

Must See, Must Read, Must Do

Must See:

You must go see Slumdog Millionaire if your local theater is playing it. It's not main stream so you may have to track it down, but it's well worth it. The imagery is beautiful. The story is breathtaking and amazing. The casting was perfect. The soundtrack is phenomenal. It was a brilliant film. It's not a movie I would typically go to, but a friend called and invited me and I thought "why not?". I loved it. Truly a great story about overcoming what life has handed you and persevering until you obtain your goal. Jamal is an Indian orphan who wins a place on Who Wants to be a Millionaire. Convinced there is no way he could possibly know the answers to the questions he has answered he is interrogated. In doing so we are given a view into the life that he lived and how he knows what he does. If nothing else you leave the theater reminded that you can't judge a book by it's cover. Here is the trailer for your own viewing.

Must Read:

Strangely enough a movie taking place in India was a good follow up a book I had just finished the night before. Beneath a Marble Sky is the fictional story of the building Taj Mahal and the life of an Indian Princess. It's a love story to be sure but also deals with war and anger, sibling rivalry, the love of a parent/child, and in finding grace and beauty in what you are given. I'd asked for it for Christmas after seeing Alyssa, or maybe it was Alexa, mention it on Facebook. I'd highly recommend it if you love any historical fiction, need a good love story, or are intrigued by India in any way. I wasn't previously but now I find that I want to learn more about their royal family and the actual building of the Taj Mahal.

Must Do:

The underlying theme in both the movie and book I mentioned is destiny. That your path is written. What is meant to happen will. I've never taken much stock in that, always believing that make your own path. To some extent I think that is still true, but I am starting to wonder if karma, or life, or God, or what ever, gives you these options, meant to challenge you. Meant to make you choose the path you were meant to take? As silly as this sounds, I got a fortune in a cookie a few days ago telling me that I would see prosperity though my creativity. Normally not something that would catch my attention except that just a few weeks ago the psychic I went to see told me that she saw me doing more with my creative/artistic abilities. Then this book and movie that normally would not fall into my line of sight, do in fact make it on to my radar, both with similar themes and even strange coincidental moments. Add that to my recent need to get creative and want to write/sew/make things. I don't know what my plan should be, only that I need to formulate one. I want to be more fulfilled in life and I think the universe is starting to show me that I need to take the necessary steps. I'm going to keep watching for these signs and take note. Then I'm going to take action. I must do this.

putting the pieces together

Years ago Scott and went to the beach all by ourselves for a weekend getaway. Scott's mom, along with her sisters own a share in the Tolovana Inn and we were lucky enough to be granted one of their weekends. I don't really remember many specifics of the trip, it's probably been more then six years or longer. There is one thing though, one thing that we did, that we probably shouldn't have...but now I'm glad we did. You see we took something that didn't belong to us. I suppose it belonged to Scott's grandfather as he owned the unit previously. Regardless, we found it in the owners closet, put it together and were so tickled by it that we took it.

I really hope no one gets mad at us for this. We had the best of intentions. Really, it was just a special, silly memory from that weekend and now the item sits in my attic, waiting for it's next unveiling. It's been out a few times, usually when we tell the story of how we came to "own" it. It may be one of the best, most recounted stories I have from our many visits to Tolovana.

It rates second only to lying on the living room floor with an itty bitty baby KayLee sleeping on my chest while Nathan and I talked and goofed off. I know there is a picture of that but I can't seem to find it right now.

But I digress...

Tonight I feel obligated to share the story of the taken item and a picture for proof because last night there was a fire in the very unit where this story took place. I don't think we know the extent of the damage at this point but the video below shows flames and smoke and water and that usually damages anything not metal or stone, and even those items sometimes.

Those many years ago we were looking for something to do after having a wonderful dinner at Mo's. We stumbled upon the owners closer and inside found the games and toys we knew existed, but there, on one of the shelves higher up was something we'd never noticed before. We took it down, opened it up and kind of smiled at each other knowing this was something fairly unique. We sat down at the dinning room table and dumped out all of the pieces. We proceed to put it together and then looked down upon a sight that we'd never seen before. Something I don't think has actually been made since the 60's or 70's and probably kept from the prying eyes of children. It was after all a naked lady! We giggled, talked about who it belonged to, giggled some more and then decided we had to take it home with us.

So yes we stole it. Sorry Crandall Family! We do love it, and have kept it safe all these years, and now we have one more memory, a tangible, put your hands on it memory that wasn't damaged by fire. Of course, so many memories live on in our minds and when they repair the damage we'll all go back and make more. But for now, here is the piece of Tolovana that lives in my house and heart.

The Playboy Playmate Puzzle, missing only a piece or two.
It was too perfect for us not to put it together,
then take home with us to remember the weekend!

Below is video of the fire. Scott's family unit the one closest to the camera on the top floor. Most definitely damaged. The cause of the fire isn't known at this time. The link below is even more video showing even more of the smoke and damage.

I resolve

Ahhhh the time for resolutions had arrived....2009 we're gonna have a good start and we're going to keep our momentum. So without further ado here is the list

1. I resolve to be active every day. That doesn't mean I have to go to the gym (but that's the main goal), I just have to move. It can even be a walk around the block or a good 20 min weight work out.

2. I resolve to lose 25lbs. No if's, and's, or but's about it. I saw pictures of myself from last night and didn't like them. Have to change that. No options. I don't think I'm going to do a hard core diet because I find that depriving myself only makes me fall into massive temptation. Instead I'm going to do what I know how to do, and that is cook low fat, low calorie meals.

3. I resolve to eat better, kinda falls into #2, but even more then just eating to lose weight I want to eat to feel better. So foods with better vitamins and minerals. Foods that are better for your heart and skin. I've noticed my skin has suffered in the last few years and I'm certain part of that is not taking care in my diet.

4. I resolve to use my camera more. I love to take photos and I am so happy when they come out looking like art. I think if I develop my talent more that I could in fact be an actual talent. I'd love to have a hobby that is pretty much free and still makes me, and sometimes other people happy.

5. I resolve to write. I put it off and put it off. I have more excuses then a six year old trying to get out of household chores! I want to do it, I have the stories in my head, I need to write them out!

6. I resolve to organize! I hate it when my house is a wreck. We've been much better since moving into this little house, but after two years I'm starting to feel growing pains. We can't actually move so we need to restructure and get rid of things.

So that's it. I think six resolutions are enough to get me started. Here is to 2009!