Feeling a little devastated at the moment. Trying not to let it feel like it's the end of the world because I know in the grand scheme of things it's not all that bad, it just feels that way today.
We have to postpone the IVF cycle, maybe a few months, maybe more. All along we've wanted to do the shared risk option that gives you 70% of your money back if you don't have a live birth. It's important because IVF has a 40% chance of working, odds are not in our favor. In all the paperwork OHSU gave us it looked like one price so I thought we were ready. Upon doing a little more research it seems that the guaranteed refund costs an extra $4000 not including medication. Funny that it costs more to give you money back?? Our IVF coordinator left without telling us and so I wasn't able to ask questions and get to bottom of things in the time frame I'd of liked. So I got my hopes up and now...well the balloon has deflated.
So, despite the amazing amount my mom has already contributed, we're short. May be short for a long while. I had planned to have a much bigger savings account by now, but things always happen. Pay cuts at work due to the economy, Scott's new company has a huge paycheck lag time making these last few months hard to catch up, always something.
I'm trying to remind myself that we're blessed. Scott is working at a time when most people in construction are not. I have a stable job. We have an adorable house we love and we can pay our bills.
Still hard not to feel let down. Actually let down isn't right. I feel like someone kicked me in the gut, withheld water for three days, then tied me up and set a tall cold glass of h20 just out of my reach. It's so close, but I can't have it, and it's starting to hurt.
Waiting, waiting, waiting. Always waiting. I'm not a patient person by nature.
I spent most of my day at work pretending I was having an allergy attack, when I was in fact just teary. Tomorrow I will have to put on a happy face for Scott's birthday party. At least I have party prep to keep me occupied...Good that I can't slow down and become lump o'lard on the couch like I am inclined to do.
Just so tired of things not working out. Seems like someday we're gonna get a break right? It has to get easy someday?
I want to kick something, and drink the worlds largest margarita.
Friday Photography
It's actually an old picture and some of you have probably seen it, but it's the reason this blog got it's name. I took it last year after rare warm rain. It rains a lot here in Oregon, but not usually when it's warm.
After this particular shower my entire garden was covered in raindrops and it was so pretty I grabbed the camera. This ranunculus in particular stuck out. It was taller than the others, and it seemed almost perfect, no bug bites, no browned edges, just a perfectly pretty flower.
I noticed last night that my peonies are starting to bloom so I might try to get some pictures of them. They don't last long but I love them. The anticipation or peonies is the most fun of all the flowers in my yard. Watching them start from such small little red leaves and becoming nearly three feet tall filled with huge round buds is exciting. I wait and wait and wait and then one day they just bloom. Of course they also require more work than most. I have to put a guard up to keep Scott from mowing them over, and they need a support system because they grow so tall they can fall over easily, and for some reason the ants love them. I'm constantly battling the ants to keep the peonies healthy. The pay off is worth it though. Huge, lush flowers.
I'm hoping I'm like a peony. I've been waiting and waiting and waiting, I'm ready to bloom dammit! The peony was a sign of abundance in ancient China and is often used for women's health in Chinese Herbal Medicine.
Well now that I've talked about peonies so much I feel obligated to take pictures tonight!
My husband and his dirty feet issues...
I am sitting on the couch drinking my new Chinese herbal concoction. Scott is sitting on the couch watching the only good Keanu Reeves movie ever made ( A Walk in the Clouds).
I make a fake retching noises as the herbal concoction is, shall we say, less then tasty. Scott says "I know, they are stomping on all those grapes with dirty feet after working outside all day!"
This made me laugh out loud.
If you haven't seen the movie there is a large grape stomping scene after a full day of harvest.
Guess it's a good thing we don't actually foot stomp grapes where I work or Scott would never drink the wine.
And yeah I know Kee-nunu, as I call him, was in the Matrix too, but his acting is just so bad I can't stand it! And please, if you've never had to suffer that movie he made with Charlize where she's dying and makes him try all these new things, like sing, don't threaten the health of your retinas or eardrums by attempting a viewing.
I make a fake retching noises as the herbal concoction is, shall we say, less then tasty. Scott says "I know, they are stomping on all those grapes with dirty feet after working outside all day!"
This made me laugh out loud.
If you haven't seen the movie there is a large grape stomping scene after a full day of harvest.
Guess it's a good thing we don't actually foot stomp grapes where I work or Scott would never drink the wine.
And yeah I know Kee-nunu, as I call him, was in the Matrix too, but his acting is just so bad I can't stand it! And please, if you've never had to suffer that movie he made with Charlize where she's dying and makes him try all these new things, like sing, don't threaten the health of your retinas or eardrums by attempting a viewing.
Slippery Slope
I'm watching John and Kate Plus 8 tonight. It's the season premier, the first episode since the tabloids started posting pictures and making accusations about them. It's not over yet, but it doesn't look good for them. It's pretty obvious that John is angry and Kate is hurt. And I don't know the whole story. No one but John and Kate do, but I just hate to see them fail. And yes I think she's a bit much. I know she's not always kind to John. And it frustrates me to listen to them sometimes. But I can't even fathom what it's like to parent eight children. I'm not the biggest Kate fan, but I've always felt like she and John were the original people out there saying "look we couldn't have kids, so we took steps to help and now we have this beautiful family and you can too". But now it looks like they could become part of that statistic, the one where patents of multiples have a higher divorce rate.
I hate to see anyone fail. I hate to think that people can wander so far from the people they were when they were madly in love with each other. Wander so far they don't even recognize the person they are living with. It's just sad. It's even sadder when outside influences make it worse.
Of course I know that there are plenty of people who just don't work, can't function with each other, are even toxic for each other and are probably better off without each other. I know that my household was more stable once my father left. In instances like ours, I know that life was better for my parents not living with one another.
It's still sad to watch the demise of others.
I'd stopped buying and reading tabloids and even the slightly more classy celeb mags when the whole Crazy Brittney stuff was going down. I didn't want anyone to profit from her obvious illness. Now I'm glad I didn't contribute to the profit for any of these John and Kate stories. I just want to smack the paps upside the head.
Yes it's a reality show, yes they opened their lives for us to watch. But isn't that enough? Do we have to hunt them down, wait for them to screw up and take pictures of it? Or worse, just take pictures to imply that they screwed up? What is the line? What can you do when the line is ignored.
Dang those kids are cute though. No matter what anyone else says, John and Kate raise some adorable, sweet, funny kids. I hope they can work things out, not only for those kids, but for themselves too.
I hate to see anyone fail. I hate to think that people can wander so far from the people they were when they were madly in love with each other. Wander so far they don't even recognize the person they are living with. It's just sad. It's even sadder when outside influences make it worse.
Of course I know that there are plenty of people who just don't work, can't function with each other, are even toxic for each other and are probably better off without each other. I know that my household was more stable once my father left. In instances like ours, I know that life was better for my parents not living with one another.
It's still sad to watch the demise of others.
I'd stopped buying and reading tabloids and even the slightly more classy celeb mags when the whole Crazy Brittney stuff was going down. I didn't want anyone to profit from her obvious illness. Now I'm glad I didn't contribute to the profit for any of these John and Kate stories. I just want to smack the paps upside the head.
Yes it's a reality show, yes they opened their lives for us to watch. But isn't that enough? Do we have to hunt them down, wait for them to screw up and take pictures of it? Or worse, just take pictures to imply that they screwed up? What is the line? What can you do when the line is ignored.
Dang those kids are cute though. No matter what anyone else says, John and Kate raise some adorable, sweet, funny kids. I hope they can work things out, not only for those kids, but for themselves too.
Stick a needle in it!
I had a dream on Wednesday morning that was so frightening it woke me up. I sat bolt upright in my bed, a little damp from sweat, and looked at the clock. 5:22AM!
Basically I was lying on on the acupuncture table face down when the acupuncturist told me she was going to stick a needle in the bottom of my big toe (bad right?) and that it would make me pass a very large bubble of gas (WTF?!?!? worse right?) and that she would leave the room to let me do that then come back to finish sticking me with needles. Panic set in, I was about to bolt off the table when I woke up.
Maybe not frightening in the traditional sense, but horrifying in the "I don't do those kind of body functions in public places even if it's expected of me"sense.
A little anxious about upcoming acupuncture appointment? Um yeah. A little anxious about letting a gigantic fart rip in public? I guess my subconscious is. Ah the things dreams reveal.
Thankfully the actual session wasn't even close to that bad, in fact it wasn't bad at all. I even felt relaxed when it was all over and woke up this morning with much more energy than normal. I go back next week for more needles. She thinks she'll be able to help my ankle some too. Plus studies show that women who are being treated for infertility and IVF have much better success when also being treated by an acupuncturist.
But really, the whole idea of needles is still hard to take in. The things I am willing to do for IVF/Baby continues to expand. Next I'll be taking drugs! Oh wait, that's totally true...
Next on list:
1)Saline Ultrasound - basically fill up my uterus with saline to check for any anomalies
2)Mock Transfer - testing of the spacing in uterus in prep for actual egg transfer. I didn't know we'd do this on the same day. In fact the first time it was mentioned was just last week and that seems like pretty serious, ready to roll stuff, which freaks me out in a good excited way.
3)Drugs, drugs and more drugs - probably starting mid June
4)Egg Retrieval - looking likely to be very end of June or early July
5)Egg Transfer - three days after ER
That's it in a nutshell. I'll no more detail in a week or so. Until then I'll just get ready for my next needle appointment!
Basically I was lying on on the acupuncture table face down when the acupuncturist told me she was going to stick a needle in the bottom of my big toe (bad right?) and that it would make me pass a very large bubble of gas (WTF?!?!? worse right?) and that she would leave the room to let me do that then come back to finish sticking me with needles. Panic set in, I was about to bolt off the table when I woke up.
Maybe not frightening in the traditional sense, but horrifying in the "I don't do those kind of body functions in public places even if it's expected of me"sense.
A little anxious about upcoming acupuncture appointment? Um yeah. A little anxious about letting a gigantic fart rip in public? I guess my subconscious is. Ah the things dreams reveal.
Thankfully the actual session wasn't even close to that bad, in fact it wasn't bad at all. I even felt relaxed when it was all over and woke up this morning with much more energy than normal. I go back next week for more needles. She thinks she'll be able to help my ankle some too. Plus studies show that women who are being treated for infertility and IVF have much better success when also being treated by an acupuncturist.
But really, the whole idea of needles is still hard to take in. The things I am willing to do for IVF/Baby continues to expand. Next I'll be taking drugs! Oh wait, that's totally true...
Next on list:
1)Saline Ultrasound - basically fill up my uterus with saline to check for any anomalies
2)Mock Transfer - testing of the spacing in uterus in prep for actual egg transfer. I didn't know we'd do this on the same day. In fact the first time it was mentioned was just last week and that seems like pretty serious, ready to roll stuff, which freaks me out in a good excited way.
3)Drugs, drugs and more drugs - probably starting mid June
4)Egg Retrieval - looking likely to be very end of June or early July
5)Egg Transfer - three days after ER
That's it in a nutshell. I'll no more detail in a week or so. Until then I'll just get ready for my next needle appointment!
Summer Rain
It smells good outside right now. Fresh new gigantic rain drops on grass and pavement. It smells like summer out there. Too bad it's a freaking deluge! BIG raindrops! HUGE! "Run for cover you might as well take a shower outside" rain drops. Olivia put one paw outside before looking up at me like I was a nut case for even making her consider a potty break in the yard. She promptly ran back into the house where I had to chase her (in my boot clomp clomping around) and force her out.
Only one day of rain though, then we're back to sweet sunshine and this rain will make all my flowers and grass happy.
Went to a book signing and reading tonight. Jen Lancaster's new book Pretty in Plaid. If you haven't read her other books I'd highly recommend you high tail it to your closest book store and fork over the dough to purchase them. She's funny. I want to get paid to write funny memoirs like she does, I can swear and cause a ruckus too! :)
Also, I've decided the term Son of a Bitch is old and tired. From here on out it will be Son of a Crack Whore - for me anyway. And in case you are still following the literal swearing movement (totally makes me aware of how much I swear) that would be son of an illegal substance street vendor!
Only one day of rain though, then we're back to sweet sunshine and this rain will make all my flowers and grass happy.
Went to a book signing and reading tonight. Jen Lancaster's new book Pretty in Plaid. If you haven't read her other books I'd highly recommend you high tail it to your closest book store and fork over the dough to purchase them. She's funny. I want to get paid to write funny memoirs like she does, I can swear and cause a ruckus too! :)
Also, I've decided the term Son of a Bitch is old and tired. From here on out it will be Son of a Crack Whore - for me anyway. And in case you are still following the literal swearing movement (totally makes me aware of how much I swear) that would be son of an illegal substance street vendor!
Retail Therapy = Awesome!
Well I survived the baby shower sans even a drop of a tear. I think it was very helpful that not one person asked me if we were going to have children and I was sitting with another woman who doesn't even have babies on her radar yet so it was all very foreign to her. There was another person at our table, a childhood friend of Scott's. She is expecting and is actually due in four weeks. She is a sweet person, always has the best intentions and really has no idea that she talks about herself incessantly. She had a comment for every single thing the other mommy-to-be opened. They were funny comments, but two hours later I was ready to say my goodbyes.
I rewarded myself for attending the shower with a mini shopping spree. I had been saving my birthday money for my first trip to a mall since the ankle break. It was everything I dreamed it would be. I got a little warn out but had so much fun touching, smelling and trying on things that it didn't matter.
Sephora never disappoints me. There was new makeup to look at, new products for my face, and dry shampoo for my upcoming trip to the mid-west. It's a lifesaver in the humidity.
I also bought a dress for the wedding I'm attending in a few weeks. It's pretty adorable if I do say so myself. Now the hunt is on for some very flat shoes that will complete the outfit. I am not a flat wearer so this will probably be an issue. I'm 5'3" on a good day. Flat shoes make me seem like a dwarf when around anyone 5'6" and up.
I go back the acupuncturist on Wednesday for my first real session. It will last more than an hour but I'm really looking forward to it. This lady was recommended by a friend (thanks Megan!) and she's everything I was told she would be. Warm, kind, very educated on infertility issues. I have a really good feeling about her. She even goes with you to egg transfer because studies show that acupuncture within 20 min of transfer are more successful. I figure at this point we should do anything we can to make this work.
I rewarded myself for attending the shower with a mini shopping spree. I had been saving my birthday money for my first trip to a mall since the ankle break. It was everything I dreamed it would be. I got a little warn out but had so much fun touching, smelling and trying on things that it didn't matter.
Sephora never disappoints me. There was new makeup to look at, new products for my face, and dry shampoo for my upcoming trip to the mid-west. It's a lifesaver in the humidity.
I also bought a dress for the wedding I'm attending in a few weeks. It's pretty adorable if I do say so myself. Now the hunt is on for some very flat shoes that will complete the outfit. I am not a flat wearer so this will probably be an issue. I'm 5'3" on a good day. Flat shoes make me seem like a dwarf when around anyone 5'6" and up.
I go back the acupuncturist on Wednesday for my first real session. It will last more than an hour but I'm really looking forward to it. This lady was recommended by a friend (thanks Megan!) and she's everything I was told she would be. Warm, kind, very educated on infertility issues. I have a really good feeling about her. She even goes with you to egg transfer because studies show that acupuncture within 20 min of transfer are more successful. I figure at this point we should do anything we can to make this work.
Friday Photograpy
This year I started out with a resolution to use my camera more. I haven't been doing a very good job so far and the year is nearly half over (someone please tell me how that happened?).
So I thought it might be fun if I had to post a new photo(s) every Friday here on my blog. It means I've got to keep my camera with me and make a point of taking something worth sharing.
To start my new little Friday tradition I drove up the the new winery my company built this year and took some pictures in the vineyard. The vines are very young and it's very early in the season so they are almost lost on the hillside because the clover has grown so tall. The sun came out when I got up there so the lighting is a little bright, but the pictures are still so pretty. It's hard not to have a good turn out when you have such a great setting.
So I thought it might be fun if I had to post a new photo(s) every Friday here on my blog. It means I've got to keep my camera with me and make a point of taking something worth sharing.
To start my new little Friday tradition I drove up the the new winery my company built this year and took some pictures in the vineyard. The vines are very young and it's very early in the season so they are almost lost on the hillside because the clover has grown so tall. The sun came out when I got up there so the lighting is a little bright, but the pictures are still so pretty. It's hard not to have a good turn out when you have such a great setting.
Bumble Bee on the clover up at Avellana Vineyard
Bud Break on the baby vines at Avellana
California Poppies in the sunshine
Shoots and bud break at the Estate Vineyard
Dogwood tree with Estate Vineyard in the background
Bud Break on the baby vines at Avellana
California Poppies in the sunshine
Shoots and bud break at the Estate Vineyard
Dogwood tree with Estate Vineyard in the background
I was talking with Scott last night over dinner about my near panic attack at the idea of starting the IVF cycle. He thought for a moment I was panicked about suddenly having another human to care for but I explained that didn't freak me out in the slightest. I know that it will, when the times comes, but right now that's so far from my mind. What I'm panicked about is the stupid needles, the crazy mood swings, ovaries becoming the size of golf balls (which seems small, but apparently makes you feel like none of your pants fit), and imminent weight gain. Oh and of course that whole "it might not work" thing.
I figure I have about four or five weeks to get myself prepared for this. That seems like a long time in the grand scheme of things, but I know how fast that's going to go by.
I don't know how one really prepares for this. The inflicting self with meds is not easy. It goes against that human insticnt not to hurt yourself. It's got to be mind over matter at that point, but I still don't know how I'll be able to do it. I can't even pull a band-aid off quickly! Scott will not be able to help me at all. He and needles don't go together. Scott's sister, a nurse has volunteered to help. I don't know if she's wanting to help or just likes the idea of infliciting pain. God love her but I suspect it might be the latter (I'm sure she wants to help too, but I know she enjoys sticking people).
I figure I have about four or five weeks to get myself prepared for this. That seems like a long time in the grand scheme of things, but I know how fast that's going to go by.
I don't know how one really prepares for this. The inflicting self with meds is not easy. It goes against that human insticnt not to hurt yourself. It's got to be mind over matter at that point, but I still don't know how I'll be able to do it. I can't even pull a band-aid off quickly! Scott will not be able to help me at all. He and needles don't go together. Scott's sister, a nurse has volunteered to help. I don't know if she's wanting to help or just likes the idea of infliciting pain. God love her but I suspect it might be the latter (I'm sure she wants to help too, but I know she enjoys sticking people).
Like a rabid monkey....
you're going to want to stay away from me for the next five days :) Though with a rabid monkey five days is probably not enough time.
Anyway....
Why? Well my beloved body, my temple of being, my inner workings have stopped working again and now I get to start on Provera again. As some of you might recall Provera makes me a hormonal nightmare. Scott and I had a killer fight last time I was on it, though I would like to think that it wasn't med induced. In fact I am tempted to not tell him I'm back on it to see if I am indeed crazy of if he just likes to egg me on while I am on fertility drugs. He has admitted to multiple parties that he just likes to poke at me to see how I'll react.
Something very surprising, when I talked to our IVF nurse T today (she's super nice and I love her) she said that with all our blood work in we could possibly move forward on this cycle. For a breif instant I was ecstatic, but then I realized that isn't going to work. I'm flying to the mid-west in three weeks for my cousins wedding and I don't think it's wise to travel while on fertility meds. Plus how do you travel with needles? Obviously that would have to go in a suitcase and it seems to me that medication valued at a few grand should really be a carry on item. Kind of like Great Grandma's ashes (great story that will have to wait for later). So we'll just get this cycle going and do the saline ultrasound and then wait a few more weeks before moving forward.
So really it looks like we're still looking at June, which is fine. We don't have any trips planned and I can focus on just the whole IVF process which I think is important. But wow, we're that much closer! Hooray! and YIKES! This is real. This is going to happen now. Somehow, even though we've been marching toward this for a long time I didn't think it would ever get here. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed and nervous. I'm thinking the trip to the accupuncurist on Friday couldn't be better timed....I'm thinking I wish I could have a very large margarita right now.
Anyway....
Why? Well my beloved body, my temple of being, my inner workings have stopped working again and now I get to start on Provera again. As some of you might recall Provera makes me a hormonal nightmare. Scott and I had a killer fight last time I was on it, though I would like to think that it wasn't med induced. In fact I am tempted to not tell him I'm back on it to see if I am indeed crazy of if he just likes to egg me on while I am on fertility drugs. He has admitted to multiple parties that he just likes to poke at me to see how I'll react.
Something very surprising, when I talked to our IVF nurse T today (she's super nice and I love her) she said that with all our blood work in we could possibly move forward on this cycle. For a breif instant I was ecstatic, but then I realized that isn't going to work. I'm flying to the mid-west in three weeks for my cousins wedding and I don't think it's wise to travel while on fertility meds. Plus how do you travel with needles? Obviously that would have to go in a suitcase and it seems to me that medication valued at a few grand should really be a carry on item. Kind of like Great Grandma's ashes (great story that will have to wait for later). So we'll just get this cycle going and do the saline ultrasound and then wait a few more weeks before moving forward.
So really it looks like we're still looking at June, which is fine. We don't have any trips planned and I can focus on just the whole IVF process which I think is important. But wow, we're that much closer! Hooray! and YIKES! This is real. This is going to happen now. Somehow, even though we've been marching toward this for a long time I didn't think it would ever get here. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed and nervous. I'm thinking the trip to the accupuncurist on Friday couldn't be better timed....I'm thinking I wish I could have a very large margarita right now.
Just stuff
I had my five week follow up with the orthopedist today and after looking at the x-rays he thinks the bone is healing. Thank goodness! Unfortunately he thinks I'll be wearing the boot for another six weeks. Lamesauce. I jokingly told him I'd have to decorate it for a wedding in June and he told me I could probably get away without wearing it if I wear flat shoes and don't dance. So glad. I wasn't sure how to find a dress that goes well with the boot. I will still have to wear it traveling so we can pre-board! I swear he told me to, I didn't make that up.
It turns out that Dr. W is from the mid-west so we had a nice little chat about the humidity and lightening bugs. Apparently his kids reacted to the humidity like Scott did when I took him home (I think I call Illinois home because both of my parents do) for a week ten years ago. Basically shock and near horror that air can hold that much water without actually raining. Add to it 85 degrees and you have a very sweaty, very grumpy Scott. Which is why he will probably never go back to Illinois with me again. His loss. Only people who travel to Illinois get to go to St. Louis Cardinal games! Only people who go to Illinois get to chase lightening bugs and keep them in a jar. Only people that go to Illinois get to have a Hardee's biscuit with honey!
Friday I go see an acupuncturist who specialises in infertility. She comes highly recommended from a friend and after talking to her on the phone I feel really good about it. OHSU told me to pursue this before we start treatment so it's one more thing off my list. Which is really good because today I had to go to Babies R Us to get a gift for the shower I'm going to and it was difficult. Not only was I completely turned around in that store, but I wanted to buy myself a boppy and the adorable pink and brown bedding for the beautiful scroll crib. I mean what if they don't still have it when I finally do get pregnant? Will my nursery be complete without it? Yes, I really did have that thought while standing in the onesies section looking at said crib. Yes I have lost my mind. But I like to day dream too so I let myself dream for a moment about the adorable nursery I'll have. And it will be adorable. Beyond adorable. Seriously, people will want to move into my house once they set foot in it.
BTW, shopping for people who aren't finding out the sex of the baby drives me nuts. I LOVE to personalize, coordinate and decorate things and not being able to buy color coordinated items nearly killed me. It was painful to my shopping heart. I'm making flannel burp rags and green and orange just are not as cute as I like to go. How can people not want to know the sex of the baby? That's worse than the huge uber wrapped/tapped up present under the Christmas tree!
PS. Reread post and seem to be having something of a drama queen day... not sure why? I guess it's good I haven't thrown any tantrums while people are around.
It turns out that Dr. W is from the mid-west so we had a nice little chat about the humidity and lightening bugs. Apparently his kids reacted to the humidity like Scott did when I took him home (I think I call Illinois home because both of my parents do) for a week ten years ago. Basically shock and near horror that air can hold that much water without actually raining. Add to it 85 degrees and you have a very sweaty, very grumpy Scott. Which is why he will probably never go back to Illinois with me again. His loss. Only people who travel to Illinois get to go to St. Louis Cardinal games! Only people who go to Illinois get to chase lightening bugs and keep them in a jar. Only people that go to Illinois get to have a Hardee's biscuit with honey!
Friday I go see an acupuncturist who specialises in infertility. She comes highly recommended from a friend and after talking to her on the phone I feel really good about it. OHSU told me to pursue this before we start treatment so it's one more thing off my list. Which is really good because today I had to go to Babies R Us to get a gift for the shower I'm going to and it was difficult. Not only was I completely turned around in that store, but I wanted to buy myself a boppy and the adorable pink and brown bedding for the beautiful scroll crib. I mean what if they don't still have it when I finally do get pregnant? Will my nursery be complete without it? Yes, I really did have that thought while standing in the onesies section looking at said crib. Yes I have lost my mind. But I like to day dream too so I let myself dream for a moment about the adorable nursery I'll have. And it will be adorable. Beyond adorable. Seriously, people will want to move into my house once they set foot in it.
BTW, shopping for people who aren't finding out the sex of the baby drives me nuts. I LOVE to personalize, coordinate and decorate things and not being able to buy color coordinated items nearly killed me. It was painful to my shopping heart. I'm making flannel burp rags and green and orange just are not as cute as I like to go. How can people not want to know the sex of the baby? That's worse than the huge uber wrapped/tapped up present under the Christmas tree!
PS. Reread post and seem to be having something of a drama queen day... not sure why? I guess it's good I haven't thrown any tantrums while people are around.
Dammit Jim!
Stardate 62821.7 (That is today's actual star date in case you were wondering)
Erin's Log - After a showing of the new Star Trek movie I have reaffirmed my love of hero's. Today in particular one Mr. James T. Kirk. Wowza!
So yes the movie is the totally awesomest. The casting was PERFECT! The action was STELLAR! The whole thing was just BRILLIANT! If are even a close relation to a Trekkie you should transport to your nearest theater.
I've been a Trekkie for as long as I can remember so I've been eagerly anticipating this movie's release. As a little girl I used to tell people that I was Dr. McCoy's great, great, great grand daughter and then I realized that he was in the future so he'd actually have to be my great, great, great grandson. Yes I was that big of a geek even as a child. Zachary Quinto was perfect as Spock. I mean perfect! I'm gushing. I know I am...I can't help it. It was mind and eye candy in one movie. Did I mention the eye candy? Uh yeah, never had a thing for Kirk when I was a kid but Kirk now....uh he can be my captain any day!
But I ask you this: Would you not also have fallen for Captain Kirk if he'd always looked like this?
Chris Pine...well he's great. I had to look him up on IMDB and I discovered he was in Bottle Shock, which I loved. He just had a lot more hair in that movie.
I seem to be collecting new celebrity boyfriends with every new movie I see...so I'm gonna take Chris Pine too. I'm not sure what my hormone levels are at the moment, but without definitive testing I would say that I have returned to normal thirteen year old levels for some reason.
So I wonder when the next Trek convention is and how I can get there?
Erin's Log - After a showing of the new Star Trek movie I have reaffirmed my love of hero's. Today in particular one Mr. James T. Kirk. Wowza!
So yes the movie is the totally awesomest. The casting was PERFECT! The action was STELLAR! The whole thing was just BRILLIANT! If are even a close relation to a Trekkie you should transport to your nearest theater.
I've been a Trekkie for as long as I can remember so I've been eagerly anticipating this movie's release. As a little girl I used to tell people that I was Dr. McCoy's great, great, great grand daughter and then I realized that he was in the future so he'd actually have to be my great, great, great grandson. Yes I was that big of a geek even as a child. Zachary Quinto was perfect as Spock. I mean perfect! I'm gushing. I know I am...I can't help it. It was mind and eye candy in one movie. Did I mention the eye candy? Uh yeah, never had a thing for Kirk when I was a kid but Kirk now....uh he can be my captain any day!
But I ask you this: Would you not also have fallen for Captain Kirk if he'd always looked like this?
Chris Pine...well he's great. I had to look him up on IMDB and I discovered he was in Bottle Shock, which I loved. He just had a lot more hair in that movie.
I seem to be collecting new celebrity boyfriends with every new movie I see...so I'm gonna take Chris Pine too. I'm not sure what my hormone levels are at the moment, but without definitive testing I would say that I have returned to normal thirteen year old levels for some reason.
So I wonder when the next Trek convention is and how I can get there?
Why, its Greased Lightning!
We had an incident last night.
It resulted in Olivia having hair similar to that of Danny Zuko.
I was making dinner, my first attempt at mini-burgers, and was transferring a few to a paper towel to drain off excess fat (must work on trim figure for upcoming trip to Illinois). One of them rolled off the spatula and landed on the floor where my dear dog who should be known as Olivia the Canine Shop Vac, was waiting.
This mini-burger was super hot and I was afraid that in her fervor for a meat-tastic snack she would burn the crap out of her little tongue (and I am so not paying a vet to look at her tongue)! So I'm yelling at her to stop but of course my yelling is falling on deaf doggie ears because HELLO! It's meat! On the floor!
So I'm trying to block her with the spatula but end up whacking her in the head with it and as it was covered in burger grease so is she.
Am I a horrible mommy for hitting my child with a spatula?
I am trying to hobble around the kitchen with my boot and can't seem to get in her path to get the burger when I drip even more grease on her head because I still have the frying pan in my hand. Finally a friend who is over for dinner sees me hopping around with skillet, spatula and frantic dog and realizes what's happening. Being the owner of a Beagle she is quite skilled at retrieving food from pets and swoops in and steals the burger from Olivia.
So that is how Olivia became a Greaser. Now she needs a bath, but in the mean time I will give her mohawks and spikes. Because it's fun.
It resulted in Olivia having hair similar to that of Danny Zuko.
I was making dinner, my first attempt at mini-burgers, and was transferring a few to a paper towel to drain off excess fat (must work on trim figure for upcoming trip to Illinois). One of them rolled off the spatula and landed on the floor where my dear dog who should be known as Olivia the Canine Shop Vac, was waiting.This mini-burger was super hot and I was afraid that in her fervor for a meat-tastic snack she would burn the crap out of her little tongue (and I am so not paying a vet to look at her tongue)! So I'm yelling at her to stop but of course my yelling is falling on deaf doggie ears because HELLO! It's meat! On the floor!
So I'm trying to block her with the spatula but end up whacking her in the head with it and as it was covered in burger grease so is she.
Am I a horrible mommy for hitting my child with a spatula?
I am trying to hobble around the kitchen with my boot and can't seem to get in her path to get the burger when I drip even more grease on her head because I still have the frying pan in my hand. Finally a friend who is over for dinner sees me hopping around with skillet, spatula and frantic dog and realizes what's happening. Being the owner of a Beagle she is quite skilled at retrieving food from pets and swoops in and steals the burger from Olivia.
So that is how Olivia became a Greaser. Now she needs a bath, but in the mean time I will give her mohawks and spikes. Because it's fun.
Répondez s'il vous plait?
I RSVP'd to a baby shower today.
:: waits for applause::
Yes, yes, thank you for the applause. No really, please I don't deserve that much accolade, but thank you. Thank you, thank you. Please, please be seated. Thank you, thank you.
Okay, so maybe not that big of a deal, but it was a step for me. A step to get over myself and attend an event for someone who totally deserves to be showered with presents and affection. So I'll make my adorable hand made flannel burp rags and go buy an almost equally adorable (hard to compete with my handiwork) outfit to go with it. I feel like a complete shit for missing the other baby showers I've been invited to so I'm making an effort to do the right thing from here on out.
I suspect it will give me lots of opportunity to try out some new totally inappropriate answers to equally inappropriate questions. Conversations will go like this:
Nosey Mc Snooperson: So you guys have been married almost nine years now right? When are you going to start popping them out?
Me: Funny you should ask. I was thinking about getting one from the black market. Did you know they still do that? Yeah, you can give someone like $200 dollars and voila you get a baby! It's like one of those prize bags at the Dollar store. You don't know what color, shape or size but you know it's gonna be awesome! Of course you have to keep that on the down low, there are always spies sniffing around about black market babies.
OR
Snoopy Snoopinpants: Are you and Scott going to have kids?
Me: Nope. We decided that with our genetic makeup a kid would be doomed the first day out on the playground so why bother? I mean why send some poor little thing who can't see, has bad teeth and sneezes so easily they should really live in a bubble out into the cruel, cruel world of recess? Instead we're going to try our hand at rabbit breeding. I hear it's very easy to get them to reproduce and then you get all these adorable little fuzz balls to play with.
Man, it would be so fantabulous to answer someone like that... Dreams and wishes my friends, dreams and wishes!
:: waits for applause::
Yes, yes, thank you for the applause. No really, please I don't deserve that much accolade, but thank you. Thank you, thank you. Please, please be seated. Thank you, thank you.
Okay, so maybe not that big of a deal, but it was a step for me. A step to get over myself and attend an event for someone who totally deserves to be showered with presents and affection. So I'll make my adorable hand made flannel burp rags and go buy an almost equally adorable (hard to compete with my handiwork) outfit to go with it. I feel like a complete shit for missing the other baby showers I've been invited to so I'm making an effort to do the right thing from here on out.
I suspect it will give me lots of opportunity to try out some new totally inappropriate answers to equally inappropriate questions. Conversations will go like this:
Nosey Mc Snooperson: So you guys have been married almost nine years now right? When are you going to start popping them out?
Me: Funny you should ask. I was thinking about getting one from the black market. Did you know they still do that? Yeah, you can give someone like $200 dollars and voila you get a baby! It's like one of those prize bags at the Dollar store. You don't know what color, shape or size but you know it's gonna be awesome! Of course you have to keep that on the down low, there are always spies sniffing around about black market babies.
OR
Snoopy Snoopinpants: Are you and Scott going to have kids?
Me: Nope. We decided that with our genetic makeup a kid would be doomed the first day out on the playground so why bother? I mean why send some poor little thing who can't see, has bad teeth and sneezes so easily they should really live in a bubble out into the cruel, cruel world of recess? Instead we're going to try our hand at rabbit breeding. I hear it's very easy to get them to reproduce and then you get all these adorable little fuzz balls to play with.
Man, it would be so fantabulous to answer someone like that... Dreams and wishes my friends, dreams and wishes!
One step forward, and another one....
Scott and I went on our blood draw date yesterday. It was so romantic. Nothing says I love you like needles, vials, and a waiting room full of people wearing paper masks!
I've gotten quite used to the blood draw thing and it never really bothers me. Yesterday was no exception except that for the first time ever it was so quiet I could actually hear the vials fill up. That was odd. Scott does not like having his blood drawn so I offered to distract him by tap dancing on one leg. Thankfully he didn't take me up on that. The phlebotomist probably thought I was nuts.
We did ask the nurse if there had been a lot of people coming in for Swine Flu. She told us that 90% of the people coming into urgent care are convinced that they have it. It was easy to see that she thinks these people are idiots.
"It really isn't that bad you know, the normal flu will kill you worse," she said.
Well thank goodness for that! Though I don't know how something can kill you 'worse'. I mean if you're dead, you're dead right?
In superdeduperawesomesauce news I am walking! I can hobble on one crutch now no problem and even take a few steps here and there without any crutch. This is so incredibly freeing and wonderful I feel like doing a back handspring, but I won't because I would probably break something.
I can clean my house now, and go to the store by myself and I even reinstated my gym membership so I can go ride on one of the recumbent bikes. I'm gonna get back into shape and never take my ankle for granted again. I swear!
I've gotten quite used to the blood draw thing and it never really bothers me. Yesterday was no exception except that for the first time ever it was so quiet I could actually hear the vials fill up. That was odd. Scott does not like having his blood drawn so I offered to distract him by tap dancing on one leg. Thankfully he didn't take me up on that. The phlebotomist probably thought I was nuts.
We did ask the nurse if there had been a lot of people coming in for Swine Flu. She told us that 90% of the people coming into urgent care are convinced that they have it. It was easy to see that she thinks these people are idiots.
"It really isn't that bad you know, the normal flu will kill you worse," she said.
Well thank goodness for that! Though I don't know how something can kill you 'worse'. I mean if you're dead, you're dead right?
In superdeduperawesomesauce news I am walking! I can hobble on one crutch now no problem and even take a few steps here and there without any crutch. This is so incredibly freeing and wonderful I feel like doing a back handspring, but I won't because I would probably break something.
I can clean my house now, and go to the store by myself and I even reinstated my gym membership so I can go ride on one of the recumbent bikes. I'm gonna get back into shape and never take my ankle for granted again. I swear!
Pretty, pretty hunka hunka love...
I went to see a movie today. I'm a little afraid to even admit what I saw. I was in a theater surrounded by eleven year old girls who giggled incessantly. I had to look at my ticket again and verify that I was indeed seeing a PG-13 movie, not G or PG. I looked at my friend (can't reveal her name as I promised upon punishment of another broken ankle that I would not tell anyone she went to see this movie) who was with me and we looked at each other like "what did we get ourselves into?"
But then the movie started and it didn't matter. It was like a ray of sunlight straight from heaven had lit up the screen. It was handsome and adorable and oh so dreamy. I was myself transformed into an eleven year old girl smiling so large that my cheeks hurt. But how could I not? How could anyone woman who is of heterosexual persuasion not be totally enamored by this:
Um, he's pretty.
Yeah, I know I seem like a gross old lady for thinking he's the bee's knee's. But dammit if he isn't pretty. He will now replace Brad Pitt as my pretty crush. Brad irks me these days anyway (freaking baby collector and his weirdo girlfriend). And he's gonna be 22 in a few month (six) so he's only 6 years younger than me (really 9 but who's counting? I still get carded when I buy beer so I am choosing to be 28 today and every day for the rest of my 30's).
So yeah, we saw 17 Again, and I think it was actually pretty good. Even without my totally called for crushing on Mr. Efron the story was fun. Nice to go to a movie that makes you laugh. Now I think I will actually have to watch that whole High School Musical series. I looked it up and he was only 17 when they filmed the first movie so the lusting will have to be put on hold until the second movie... OMG I am such a gross old lady!
Okay, enough about my new boyfriend....
My husband and I are going to go have the last of our blood work done tomorrow. Then a saline ultrasound for me and we're off and running for IVF next month. I wonder if my kids will think Zac Efron is hot like I think George Clooney is?
But then the movie started and it didn't matter. It was like a ray of sunlight straight from heaven had lit up the screen. It was handsome and adorable and oh so dreamy. I was myself transformed into an eleven year old girl smiling so large that my cheeks hurt. But how could I not? How could anyone woman who is of heterosexual persuasion not be totally enamored by this:
Um, he's pretty.Yeah, I know I seem like a gross old lady for thinking he's the bee's knee's. But dammit if he isn't pretty. He will now replace Brad Pitt as my pretty crush. Brad irks me these days anyway (freaking baby collector and his weirdo girlfriend). And he's gonna be 22 in a few month (six) so he's only 6 years younger than me (really 9 but who's counting? I still get carded when I buy beer so I am choosing to be 28 today and every day for the rest of my 30's).
So yeah, we saw 17 Again, and I think it was actually pretty good. Even without my totally called for crushing on Mr. Efron the story was fun. Nice to go to a movie that makes you laugh. Now I think I will actually have to watch that whole High School Musical series. I looked it up and he was only 17 when they filmed the first movie so the lusting will have to be put on hold until the second movie... OMG I am such a gross old lady!
Okay, enough about my new boyfriend....
My husband and I are going to go have the last of our blood work done tomorrow. Then a saline ultrasound for me and we're off and running for IVF next month. I wonder if my kids will think Zac Efron is hot like I think George Clooney is?
More potty humor...
I'm sorry, I can't seem to help myself...
I really don't know why potty humor is so flipping hilarious. I'm a just over twenty something grown woman and I still can't stop myself from laughing at a well placed fart joke or crapped pants story. It's a little ridiculous but it is what it is. This week the running theme has been fecal matter and not just at work.
I took the "literal" swearing game home and shared it with Charity who has embraced it whole heatedly (I knew there was a reason she's my kindred spirit...she's Anne and I'm Diana btw). Even going so far as to post some of her uses on my Facebook page. She and I were in a fit of giggles the other night, verbally sparing with our new lingo when her husband Bruce, who had been sitting quietly with his laptop, looked up at both of us and very dryly said "you two are real sphincters." Which of course caused us to erupt into even more giggling and use that new word in excess.
But then Bruce tells us this story about a woman who works at the hospital where he works. She's a pretty high level admin just walking down a hallway when a sewer waste pipe explodes on her. Yes, she was covered in feces. This poor, poor woman. I can't even imagine the horror.
After our initial shock at this story, and our heartfelt comments like "I hope someone sends her some flowers or a gift card for something like that" we were back to giggling. And maybe we're horrible people (nasty co-worker who has been thorn in my side the last two weeks thinks so) but you have to laugh at things like that in life. What else can you do really? I'm sure if it happened to me I'd be outraged, and I'd cry, and then a week later I would think it was pretty damn funny (okay maybe more like a month later). That kind of thing just doesn't happen, and yet this poor lady really had a very horrible, rotten, traumatic day.
I had a few bad days at work, but a waste pipe didn't drop a crap load of waste on me...get it? Crap load? Yeah go ahead and groan and roll your eyes at me...
The good news is I had a meeting with another one of my bosses this week and she still loves me. Thinks I'm better then sliced bread. I didn't even have to seek out the praise or toot my own horn. She just gets me and appreciates me and that makes dealing with other things at work a lot easier. Plus I don't have to take a shower or get tested for Hepatitis after a walk down a hallway!
Hope you all have a great weekend, sans any fecal matter...
I really don't know why potty humor is so flipping hilarious. I'm a just over twenty something grown woman and I still can't stop myself from laughing at a well placed fart joke or crapped pants story. It's a little ridiculous but it is what it is. This week the running theme has been fecal matter and not just at work.
I took the "literal" swearing game home and shared it with Charity who has embraced it whole heatedly (I knew there was a reason she's my kindred spirit...she's Anne and I'm Diana btw). Even going so far as to post some of her uses on my Facebook page. She and I were in a fit of giggles the other night, verbally sparing with our new lingo when her husband Bruce, who had been sitting quietly with his laptop, looked up at both of us and very dryly said "you two are real sphincters." Which of course caused us to erupt into even more giggling and use that new word in excess.
But then Bruce tells us this story about a woman who works at the hospital where he works. She's a pretty high level admin just walking down a hallway when a sewer waste pipe explodes on her. Yes, she was covered in feces. This poor, poor woman. I can't even imagine the horror.
After our initial shock at this story, and our heartfelt comments like "I hope someone sends her some flowers or a gift card for something like that" we were back to giggling. And maybe we're horrible people (nasty co-worker who has been thorn in my side the last two weeks thinks so) but you have to laugh at things like that in life. What else can you do really? I'm sure if it happened to me I'd be outraged, and I'd cry, and then a week later I would think it was pretty damn funny (okay maybe more like a month later). That kind of thing just doesn't happen, and yet this poor lady really had a very horrible, rotten, traumatic day.
I had a few bad days at work, but a waste pipe didn't drop a crap load of waste on me...get it? Crap load? Yeah go ahead and groan and roll your eyes at me...
The good news is I had a meeting with another one of my bosses this week and she still loves me. Thinks I'm better then sliced bread. I didn't even have to seek out the praise or toot my own horn. She just gets me and appreciates me and that makes dealing with other things at work a lot easier. Plus I don't have to take a shower or get tested for Hepatitis after a walk down a hallway!
Hope you all have a great weekend, sans any fecal matter...
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