Dear Jesus,
Thank you for all you have provided this year. I think you’re great. I probably don’t tell you that enough, but you know, because you know everything. I think we’re pretty blessed and I appreciate that. I hope you can help to bless other families and keep them safe, dry, warm and fed like you’ve done for us. Aaron C. and I sing that “Jesus Was Way Cool” song by King Missile sometimes, I hope you like that. I know you're working on the whole world peace thing too and I'm support that 100%!
Signed,
A lapsed, liberal Baptist
Dear Santa,
I know some people say you aren’t real but I’m choosing to believe in you this year. People need things Santa and you are just the guy to provide them. For instance, I could really use a hand mixer. It would make baking cakes so much easier. Nathan and I had to put a beater in the cordless drill last week to make his birthday cake. He thought that was spectacular, I think a better mixed batter makes a better cake. But other than my hand mixer needs, Santa, lots of little kids aren’t going to get much this year. Can you make sure they get to see a little something special under the tree? I’ll even use the cordless drill for another year if it helps. You make Christmas magic for them and I remember how awesome it was to find something from you under the tree…even if you did make my mom write out your gift tags for you.
Signed,
A Believer
p.s. I bought these adorable Strawberry Shortcake Dolls at Ross for $4.99 each! I’m going to give them to Toys for Tots. Just though you could use the tip on a good deal. Turns out Ross has a great toy section!
p.p.s. Nathan still believes in you too and he would really like another Diet Coke in his stocking. I think that’s what sealed the deal last year; I mean who else would know that he loves Diet Coke so much? He also told me that he wants a puppy. His mom doesn’t, but I think Christmas is about the kids right?
Dear President Elect Obama,
I want to wish you the best of luck as you head to your new job in Washington D.C. There are tons of haters out there who want to see you fail but I think you’ll do okay. In fact, Mr. Obama you have to do okay. We need you now more than ever. I think you can show us that Illinois politicians aren’t all bad. Dude, it’s you and Abe Lincoln now! Abe was a great man, it’s going to be hard to live up to his accomplishments, but when you’re starting as low as we are at the moment, you can only move up right? Right. So we’re moving on up! To the east side! We finally got a piece of the pie!
I hope the press leaves your daughters alone. They should be allowed to have as normal a childhood as possible.
I hope you find a way to stimulate the economy.
Thank you for including Hillary in your cabinet. I think she will do you proud.
I hope you invite me over for a rousing game of bowling. I’m quite good for an amateur and I think we’d have a great time. I’ll bring a bottle of Oregon Pinot for us to share. Maybe the kitchen can pop some popcorn for us.
One last thing, could you please see about making infertility treatments government mandated? Some states already have these mandates but I think I speak for all wanna be mammas out there when I say that it would be super awesome if insurance companies were required to help us when we hit the fertility wall. Illinois and Hawaii have good programs that could use a little tweaking, but they are a good jumping off point.
Signed,
A Hillary Supporter Who is Willing to Hope
Dear Oregon Food Bank,
I’m working on some things for you. Boxes of food coming your way!
I’m so glad Mr. and Mrs. Bill Gates just donated a crap load of money to you yesterday. It made me like them even more. I can’t wait to see the piles of food in the warehouse!
Thank you for filling up empty tummies and cupboards. I know the people in line for food boxes appreciate it.
Thank you for letting me volunteer with you this year. It was the best volunteer opportunity I’ve ever had and I stepped away feeling as though I really did make an impact. Your program is the bee’s knees.
Signed,
A well fed, humble servant.
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