Beg, borrow, or steal...

Things I am willing to do to get pregnant. Sounds pretty desperate, and I suppose that's because at this point I am! After over six years of trying and medial test results that pretty much guarantee we'll need to pursue IVF (in vitro), I've decided I can't keep putting it off and hoping for a miracle. Sometimes you have to get off your ass to make things happen, in fact most times you do.

A few things have prompted this most recent decision, mostly hearing that EVERYONE and their sister, or cousin, or co-worker is pregnant. I hate being jealous and I hate what an absolute nasty bitch I turn into when I am jealous. Normally I don't have completely irrational, nasty, mean thoughts about people. Lately I find that my mind is shocking even myself with the nastiness and I don't want to be that person. So to change that, I'm changing my own game plan. Taling charge if you will.

Through a generous grant from my mother we're almost half way to enough money for IVF. I have saved another $1000 myself and should have a few more by summer. Total cost is between $10, 000 and $20, 000.

My game plan for the rest of the money is this...

1. Start saving all loose change. All of it, even pennies! It does add up. I know because I bought luggage the last time I counted all my change.
2. Returning bottles and cans instead of giving them to the homeless who come though our neighborhood. I hate the sticky mess, but I figure sticky messes are part of being a mom and I can use it as practice.
3. Taking on extra jobs if and when they come up. I don't know how this will work out yet but I'm open to ideas. I plan an awesome party if you need help organizing a baby shower, bridal shower or afternoon tea. I even make invitations and all sorts of matching coordinates.
4. Asking for help. I hate to even bring it up. Money is tight for everyone. But maybe if you felt so inclined you could save pennies for me too? I'll roll them myself. Every bit helps.
5. Thinking positivley and adjusting my additude. I think karma is real and I think if I am a better person and spend more time being helpful to others, some higher power just might take mercy on me and give me a gift.
6. Perhaps planning a fundraiser of sorts, like a car wash? or something?. Again I feel bad asking. There are so many charities out there that deserve support and help. I hate to take away from that, but I hope that some might see that I was always meant to have a baby or two. I was meant to play with playdough and make collages. I was meant to sing lullabys to a swaddled bundle and I was meant to volunteer in classrooms. I was built to be a mom, somehow my anatomy missed that memo!

The good news is that I think it can work. The bad news is that it's a long journey and it doesn't always end up the way you hope it does. But I can't sit around and always wonder what if.

To put the plan in motion I've already contacted one clinic here in Portland to talk to them about options, finance and time frames.

Wish me luck and if you do find youself in a position to help please let me know.

Again, I'm sorry to ask, but like the title says, I'm willing to do just about anything at this point! And please feel free to pass this on to people if you think they might even be able to just offer some empathy. I know lots of people struggle with this.

Thanks...