Mean Girls

I'm going to get just a tad bit serious for a moment.

"There are two kinds of evil people in the world… those who do evil stuff, and those who see evil stuff being done and don’t do anything about it." - Janis, Mean Girls

This week it was brought to my attention that people I know of were being bullies on I say I know of them because I'm not their friends and I didn't know them in school, but we have some mutual friends. If they had in fact been my friends on The FB (I heard someone in public call it The FB last week and I did a double take before having a little laugh with Scott about it) I would have unfriended them faster than a greased pig can slip through your hands in the pig pen.

I'm not saying that I'm perfect. I have my snarky days. Heck I even throw a party every year called SnarkFest. Yes we make fun of the bad dress choices the Miss America contestants have chosen as their best outfit forward. We might even make fun of their hair style. The fact is, I say things that aren't always nice, and aren't always constructive. We all do it. If you say that you don't you are truly an example I would like to emulate or you are lying. The difference is that some of us choose to be a bit snarky with only certain people, at certain times, so as not to hurt others feelings. Even so, it's not exactly a trait I'm pleased with. I need to step back and examine my own actions and values. It's possible that snark, no matter how careful I'm being, might still hurt someone.

These people, these bullies chose to humiliate someone out in the open for other to see, knowing it would be relayed back to the person they were talking about. Sounds pretty juvenile right?

These people are all in their 30's.

How sad that they still feel the need to make fun of and attack people to feel better about themselves. Who gives them the permission to treat others so badly. If they were twelve I'd chalk it up to ignorance and inexperience. If they were twenty I might excuse it as general young adult stupidness. But these people, these thirty-somethings are full grown adults with children of their own. Children they certainly don't want bullied. So why would they do it to anyone else?

People forget that other people are fragile. You can't always see the pain and hurt that others are carrying with them. You can't tell just how close the edge they are. You don't know how they cope, how they might handle a blow to an already compromised self worth. You don't know what led them to the point where they are seeking any and all approval and/or attention. It's so incredibly important to remember that about the people you see out there in the world. If you're one of those people it's important to remember that you're not the only one.

With the things we see on the news daily, with the stories of more and more children and adults lost to suicide every year, with entire episodes of well loved t.v. shows about bullying, with songs reminding us that we were born this way, how can these people be so dense? And why doesn't anyone tell them they are?

I know I won't be perfect going forward. I have a tendency to speak before I think. Snarking has been ingrained in me for many, many years. I did survive the life of a teenage girl after all. Teenage girls are awful to each other and themselves. I know I did terrible things when I was thirteen and I had terrible things done to me. But I was thirteen. Not thirty-three!

The point I'm trying to make to my own self is that there is a line you shouldn't cross. A line that intentionally hurts people and damages their self confidence. It's a fine line and it's obvious some people either don't see that line, or don't care. I'm going to try to make that line a bigger, brighter, flashing line of the neon green 80's day-glow variety, at least for me.

As for the bullies, I can only hope they realize at some point that their actions don't make their lives any better. If anything it makes most people thinks so much less of them. I hope someone who they care for and respect calls them out for it someday.

Seriously, to all you jerk face bullies of the world, grow up. That's it. Grown ups don't act like that.

1 comment:

marycressler said...

Wow. Loved this post. I'll get to that in a moment.
But I've been reading your FB posts about your running and came here to find out if you were doing a marathon (then I found this post)... I've since read that you are training for a half marathon! Yeah for you!!! That is so awesome. I ran my first half marathon 2 years ago. I thought it was impossible, but I did it and was so proud of myself for completing it!!! Just train at whatever pace works for you, and stick to the program, and you WILL do it!!! Cant wait to hear more......

In other news, THIS particular post reminds me of my graduate thesis project. I studied Relational Aggression (i.e. "mean girls") all through grad school and was so ubber passionate about the project (my thesis). It was basically about how "mean girls" start (very very young) and how to create programs for young girls to teach them that it is WRONG, so they don't grow up to be thirty something adult mean girls!!! Anyways, not to drag this on, but I am very passionate about the subject and even created a training program to implement in elementary schools to teach kids about it (back in 2004 before things got worse in the medias eyes)... nobody thought it was an important topic back then :(
So, I feel you on this!!!