Random Letters - 2011 First Edition

Dear Feet, Legs, Lungs,

Tomorrow I'm going to be a real hard ass and make you run further than you have ever run before. We're going to start out easy so we can try to make it up some hills without stopping for a walk. We're going to maintain a steady pace so you don't freak out and cramp up or stop working all together. We're going to get through this because this will be as bad as it gets...until June 11th when I make you run two miles further. But it's okay guys, we can do this. I've got electrolytes and glucose to keep us happy and we get to take a really long, hot shower when we get home. Eleven miles my friends, that's what the plan is. Plus if we get it over with we can spend the rest of the weekend being lazy and drinking alcoholic beverages. Dude we got this on lock down. I swear.


Heart and Head

Dear Cucumber Seedlings,

I am so sorry. I can only imagine how frustrated you must be right now, ready to be planted outside in the real dirt of the veggie garden. I want you to be out there with the strawberries too but by some freak of nature (literally) it still feels like February outside. It's just too darn cold for your little green leaves. If I put you out there you're going to shiver and shake and then just collapse. You deserve better than that my little green friends. The forecast says it's going to be a bit warmer next week and if that's the case I'm going to throw you a coming out party like you've never seen in your short little lives. There will be fertilizer, mulch and fresh water! You should feel special, the pumpkins didn't get any fanfare. They just got tossed into the wine barrel filled with decent soil, not the primo awesomeness you will get to spread out in. That's how much I love you little guys and the pickles you will eventually become. Hang in there you guys the sunshine has to show up some day!


A Frustrated Gardener

Dear Pumpkins,

Don't tell the cucumbers I gave you garden mulch. They are sensitive little baby plants and I have to make them feel extra special so they make it out there in the tough real world of the veggie garden. You are a strong vine, you don't need to be babied. I appreciate you and your stoic days in the dirt.


The Seed Starter

Dear Buffalo Pretzels,

You rock. You totally scrape up the inside of my mouth like Captain Crunch but just like the Captain you are so worth it. I will be back for more of you, don't you worry your orange powdery selves. I even love that you turn my fingers orange and I have to lick it off. You should sue KFC for the right to use 'finger licking good' on your advertising. Truth in advertising!


A. Snacker

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