Another Goal

I've decided to set yet another goal for myself. I am really, really good at setting goals. I am a dreamer at heart so I see visions of all that can be accomplished and how grand it will all be in the end. Somehow I'm just not all that good and achieving the goal. I don't know why this is. I do have the best intentions. I just get off track or lose focus. This leaves me feeling unaccomplished which is not a very good feeling. I want to be good at something. I want to be really good at something. That takes time and practice.

Right now I have time. I need to occupy it rather than sit around and feel sorry for myself. Someday I will have children, just not right this moment. Right this moment I should take the time I have and do something with it.

So I'm starting a new routine. Today I will go to the gym, the new one by my house bump up my membership so I can use it. Why 24 Hour Fitness made this club special is beyond me, but to use it I have to pay a little extra a month for it. But I will go because it's so close. I will go there each morning. Every. Single. Morning. I will be there by 5:30 so I can spend an hour working out before coming home to shower and get ready for work. It will become my new obsession. I will not be allowed to look at my email or facebook until I am done.

I will also spend at least one half hour writing each night. Perhaps this blog, perhaps a story outline. I want to be a writer someday. I need to practice. I need to hone my skills and find my voice.

I am going to accomplish this. I will be accomplished. So that when I do become a mother I can say that I finish things, I take care of things, I can do that, I can do anything! Because if we're being honest, while I want to be a mother, I want it more than anything in this world, I do worry that I won't be good enough.

I will still allow myself to throw a pity party when I have hard days. I like to cry, it makes me feel better sometimes, it's a release. And I can rock that whole mascara running down your cheeks look...okay maybe not. In fact I get ugly when I cry, really fast, but it still feels good.

So that's that. Wish me luck.


Stacey said...

Good luck, Erin! You can totally do this. Looks like you're already off to a great start (I read your latest post but am commenting here). I have NO will power when it comes to working out -- I'm hoping to get inspired by you! Keep it up, girl!

Andy Meeker said...

I am glad you write this blog. Without it, I would not know just how much you and i have in common.