I don't have a title for today...

First, thank you to my little cheerleaders! Tamara, Mary and Andy, I really appreciate the feedback and support. Last week when I hit my gym low you made me bounce right back up and hop on the elliptical machines again. Mucho, mucho thank you! Sometimes I wonder if anyone actually reads my words and hearing from you guys totally made my week!

Gym update: I'm still going 5-6 times a week. I finally lost a pound. It's only one, but it also means I'm only .5 pounds away from not being considered over weight on the BMI scale so I've got that to keep me pushing. I've actually been working extra hard lately. Having conversations with myself. In my head. Not out loud. That might have people looking at me like I was crazy. Of course that might mean they would pick a machine a little further from me which would be a-okey dokey by me! Something to ponder... Back to these conversations, I basically pep talk myself and convince myself that if I slack off, the only person being cheated in ME. Or I talk to myself about having fab (not flab) thighs for the beach in MEXICO. Last night when I got home from the gym I practiced my Biggest Loser Photo Op photo. You know where you pose like the finalist before the big reveal. Yeah, I made my arms look all buff and fun. Yes I am crazy. Yes I am willing to do what ever it takes to meet the goal at this point. I even did leg lifts while I cooked dinner last night. Got to get the extra burn in.

Life update: Things have been pretty darn good, I feel like all the gym time has given me better happy vibes and even more energy. So my house is clean, I feel like cooking and baking and crafting. I feel like doing. Doing anything and that makes the days that much better. I am starting to see that I might have been in some really bad (if not scary) funk after I broke my ankle. Things just feel SO much better. Scott is still working really long hours but he did have two days off this weekend so we got to spend some time together and that was really nice. Despite all this goodness I've still been feeling a little insecure over stupid stuff. I just need to "get over it" I suppose, but hormones and crap like that have a way of making you nutso. I'm bordering on a little paranoid nutso right now. I won't bore you with details. But dammit I hate feeling insecure. It's icky.

This weekend I'll celebrate my birthday with friends and family and I'm really, really looking forward to it. I'm in such a better place than I was last year. The only thing missing will be Stephanie. I was booked to go see her on Saturday and I won't. I thought maybe I'd take some flowers to her grave but then thought better of it. I will wait until her birthday week after next, so it's about her and I can avoid extra tears for my birthday.

Baby update : Zip, zero, zilch. No movement. But right now I'm okay with that. Tomorrow that might change :) Tomorrow I'm going to be older. ACK!

L.ance A.rmstrong Sabotaged me!

It's true. That super athlete. That primo cyclist. That human anomaly sabotaged me! I have been using his Livestrong website to track my food and exercise. It's this super awesome handy tool and it makes keeping a food journal really easy. The problem? He thinks my body is some super calorie burning machine extroadinare. His calcualtions have me burning about 2-3 calories more a minute than I actually am. I was relying on him to tell me how it was working. Unfortunatley that old addage, you can only count on yourself, is true in this case. He also thinks that I burn more calories in a sedentry state than I do. 200 more a day actually. Well about that. I can't be sure as I don't have one of those handy dandy body buggs like The Biggest Loser people do. Luckies. So maybe this is why I'm not losing weight? Perhaps. Or maybe my body just hates me. Or maybe Lance hates me.

The good news is I've still been tracking my calories so I know what I'm taking in. Now I'll just have to really readjust my gym time and work harder at keeping the food intake down a little too. Dammit.

I really thought I'd been working hard. I guess one hour at the gym five to six times a week isn't enough.

I got on the scale tonight and I'm back up two pounds. I don't even know how it's possible. I know I've had a large calorie deficit every day except one, and that one day wasn't so bad. So yeah the answer is my body hates me.

I'm giving this gym/diet like a maniac thing one more solid week. If results do not improve I'll go back to my gym two or three times a week and kinda watching what I eat. I'm not going to try so hard for no reason.

Erin has lost motivation, it's official.

PS. The only person to notice my body changing is Scott, and I half believe that he just says nice things so he can get me in bed. If no one but my husband is noticing, than there probably isn't much change going on. Insert sad face. I call uncle! So much for being skinny for my birthday...

I is stuck

Stuck. In lots oh ways. Today I am stuck on the scale.

I have really, really, really, really (no really!) been working my ass off these last few weeks. And yet, my ass is still here. I do not understand. Jillian (from The Biggest Loser) says it's a science, math really. Calories in, calories burned. So either my math is whack or my body hates me. Could be both.

Regardless. I'm stuck and I don't like it. Makes it difficult to keep going. The only thing that keeps me moving at this point is Scott's recognition that I look good. So I must be doing something right.

Stupid fat cells.

In other news, Scott is working an insane amount of hours and it's only March! I am already worried he's burned out and Spring hasn't even hit, let alone Summer. I hope they hire him a helper. He looks so tired when he gets home. Hopefully he'll have this coming Monday off and have an extra day to recuperate.

This weekend I'll be sewing. Curtains for a friend. Hopefully cutting out a pattern for myself. It's been a very long time since I last cut a pattern so I'm a bit nervous, but what's the worst that could happen right? Right.

Okay, that's it, sorry there is nothing exciting to report.

Ms. Manners would say no...

but I'm wondering if it's at all acceptable to tell people who smell like ashtrays at the gym to go find a smokers section?

Today I had to cut my elliptical time short because dude next to me was sweating out all his toxic cigarette ick. Yes my dear smoker friends, we can smell it even if you've washed your hands and brushed your teeth. You see, you INHALE it, so it gets into your system. Then when you come to the gym and breath heavy and sweat, all of us have to smell you. As if gyms don't have enough bad smells. Uuggg.

Listen, I get that it's their right to smoke if they want, but why do I have to smell it? That stale cigarette smell actually makes me ill. I'm not being over dramatic here, it makes my stomach turn. I'd rather smell fresh off the puff smoke than that sickly, ashy smell that comes later. I'm nauseous just thinking about it.

So I burned fewer calories tonight dammit. Guess I'll eat less... This battle of the bulge is starting to ware on me.

Battle of the Bulge - but not that WWII one....

I fit into my sparkly butt jeans this morning. It's been well over two years. This calls for a celebration. I think I'll go to the gym and have a party with the elliptical machine!

Erin 1 - Fat Ass - 0

How do you like me now?

Have you seen the new KIA commercial with the Sock Monkey who gets a tattoo and rides the mechanical bull? Besides being the best new commercial on the boob tube, it also contains my new favorite song - How Do You Like Me Now by The Heavy. I like it so much I added it to my gym playlist. The crazy thing? Now I want to go to the gym and run while it plays.

Yes ladies and gents, I said it, I WANT to go to the gym. Crazy talk for Little Miss Anti-Physical Activity.

So it's true, I have become the dreaded (not so dreaded?) gym rat that I always feared (longed to be?). I can consistently run a 13:30 mile now. For some that sounds incredibly slow but when you consider that I haven't run for fitness (lets not talk about sales at Target okay?) in about 16 years and that I broke my ankle a little over a year ago I think that's not so bad. In fact I think I'd be doing better if my foot didn't start hurting around 1.5 miles. I've made a real effort to be consistent, stick with my goal and acutally see it happen. I'm still a work in progress but I'm doing some pretty good things for myself lately. Gym. Food. Social Time. Creative Time. It feels good. I feel good.


So the question was - How do you like me now? But the real question is - How do I like ME now? and the answer is, I pretty much think I rock these days!

The past month has really made me aware that you have to make yourself happy. It's your power, your control that will do it. Keeping yourself healthy both physically and mentally is the key to staying happy and in control. So I did it. I made the changes to get there. So far it's working out pretty good.

Here's that commercial in case you haven't seen it.

Busy Bee's.......

Bzzzzzzzzzz.......

Oh what a weekend! I am so worn out and it's only 5:30 on Sunday!

Yesterday was:

Clean house! Hands and knees scrubbing!
Bathe Dog
Prune hydrangea bushes
Pull dandelions and other various weeds in front yard
Prune fuchsia plants
Two loads of laundry
Sew my very own brand new pincushion!
Walk 4.9 miles to Woodstock and back
Make Enchiladas
Bake Brownies (normal box mix with Twix bars baked in = genius)
Finally sit down and watch some Olympic curling with the boys! (love curling!)
Sleep!

Today was:

Wake up so sore I feel as though someone beat me to a pulp yesterday. I guess the yard won. I actually can't remember a time when I hurt this badly. It had started to set in yesterday but I assumed it was just muscles that hadn't used in a while and that's probably all that it is, but it hurts to sit down. No joke. My glutes and the muscles in the back of my leg are sensitive to the touch. I guess maybe I need to work in the yard more often?

I'm special. I'm going to the gym tomorrow to try and loosen up a bit.

All in all it was a pretty productive weekend even though I did almost nothing today!



Here's a pic of my adorable new pincushion! Yes, it's just a pincushion but it's my first attempt at a sewing project in a long while. It's a precursor to some other projects I have planned. Love this new fabric I got at Etsy!!