Erin Go Bragh!

Or as Scott said last night, Erin Go Bragh-less! I know he’s feeling better when he makes comments like this!

St. Patty’s day is coming, that means spring is around the corner and I need to find something green to wear next week.

I used to tell people that because my name is Erin, and actually means Ireland, I am exempt from all this pinching business regardless of my wearing green or not. Turns out pincher type people of the world don’t fall for that so now I have to find something green every year. Stupid pincher people.

Regardless, I do love St. Patty’s day. It marks the one week mark until my birthday which I think constitutes an entire week of celebration! So, I think I might do some fun St. Patrick’s Day themed blogs leading up to the day the Emerald Isle celebrates its patron saint, but even more fun, the day we drink loads of green beer, eat corned beef and cabbage and kiss complete strangers just because they say they're Irish! Perhaps we should also get some green mouthwash for cleaning mouths after kissing strangers...Not that I know ANYTHING about kissing strangers, I'm a married woman for peeps sake!

Things that make you feel old...

....sitting in the Urgent Care waiting room, listening to a parent check their child in, a child that is old enough to have strangely dyed hair and low slug pants that threaten to fall off, and hearing them list the kids birth date as the year you graduated from high school. The kid was almost as tall as me, with bright orange hair and looked like someone right out of a All American Rejects video on MTV. Hey at least I know who the All American Rejects are right? Baaaaahhh!

So we spent some of our evening at urgent care. Scott was finally sick enough to let me take him in. Turns out he has a cold, maybe the flu and pink eye. So we now have cough syrup with codeine so he can get some sleep and on his way to recovery. Oh and eye drops for his icky eyeballs. No idea where he got pink eye?? Our niece and nephews don't have it and they are usually the culprits when one of us is sick. I like to refer to them as the walking petrie dishes. Very strange. The doctor did try to give him cough syrup with vicodin in it. I had no idea that even existed! Scott doesn't do well with vicodin so he got the codeine instead, but I'm thinking next time I need cough medicine I'll be asking for the good stuff!

Luckily he made it though his first day of work today, despite being sicker than I've ever seen him in the tweleve years we've been together. Yep, that's right, he started work! Hooray! It's not exactly what he was hired for but rather than have him sit at home and wait they brought him in for another position temporarily, we'll take what ever we can get!

Other than that the only exciting thing I did today was buy some comfrey leaves (aka knitbone) and researched how to make a poultice and tea out of it. It supposedly has wonderful healing properties and aids in the healing of fractures, sprains and many other things. I kind of felt like Hermione in herbology class when I got home. I've never made a poultice before. So we'll see how it goes.

In some superdeduper good news, a few blog writers that I follow have gotten some good news in the last few days/weeks, getting BFP on the pee stick! So congrats girls! I'm so happy for you! Your perserverence and positive results keep the rest of us going!

Clear the road!

Beep! Beep! That's the sound one makes while backing up in the motorized shopping carts at Targ.et. I finally broke down and used one today knowing there was no way I could cover all that ground on my crutches. It was a bit scary at first and I know Scott thought I was being overly cautious at first, but it's a very strange thing to drive a little cart in a store! However strange though, it was AWESOME! I didn't get tired, I covered lots of ground, little kids thought I was cool...okay so I made that last one up, but I was cool. And those things have an amazing turning radius!

We took the outing because after doing lots of reading I've determined that my ankle has a better chance of healing if I take a multi-vitamin and some extra calcium (with vitamin D added of course). Scott's sister the nurse also recommended it so I thought it would be prudent to follow her advice. I'd just seen a commercial for Targ.et's new line of gummi vitamins for adults and figured that would be exceedingly better than chewables or big pills to swallow. So away to Targ.et we went! My mom was nice enough to take us there and spring us from the house. Scott's nearly all better but was beginning to suffer the affects of Cabin Fever. We also got a free lunch out of the deal! Thanks Mom!

So now that I'm an experienced electrical cart driver I feel like I can go to other stores by myself and regain some of my independence and self sufficiency. That makes me feel good. I am still quite surprised by how people don't really move for you, or even step in front of you while you are obviously at a disadvantage. People were blocking entire aisles and could clearly see me, even make eye contact with me and would still not move. At one point my mom had to clear a path, or attempt to. Just kind of strange. I know I'm not that oblivious.

I also got to have an outing with my sister in law and nephew yesterday. We spent some time at the bookstore, my heaven on earth! I saw a zillion things I wanted but refrained from maxing out my credit card and settled on just one book, a guide for NYC. I'm looking forward to filling it with post-it-notes and highlighting things. I figured I shouldn't be allowed to buy any more leisure reading books until I finish all the great books that have been loaned to me since breaking my ankle. I'm currently reading a series that takes place here in the Willamette Valley and centers on a scenario where everything electrical stops working, oh and guns and steam engines too. Basically an "end of days" scenario. It's pretty interesting and even more so because it's taking place in cities and towns right around me. Unfortunately Portland proper doesn't fare so well...let's just say you want to be living near Bend if you're going to survive this!

Well, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire just started so Scott and I are going to snuggle in and watch it! Yay for Cedric Diggory! I'll take Edward in any form....vampire, wizard....

I leave you with the picture as requested....Erin in her Snuggie, reading her new NYC book! Yes I look like a monk in an ass backward robe, but I'm warm and cozy! :)



PS. It's Cadbury Cream Egg season and your local Targ.et has plenty! I know this because I bought some today and enjoyed eating one immensley!

TGIF

I had a follow up appointment with my orthopedist yesterday. It’s didn’t go as well as I’d hoped. Apparently my fracture is more stubborn than most and is not healing all that well. Four weeks after injury he would have liked to see some repair of bone on the x-rays, but there wasn’t any. The only good news that came out of it is that my soft tissue damage seems to be healing nicely so my pain should continue to decrease. If the fracture itself doesn’t look any better in two weeks he may consult with a surgeon and they will determine whether surgery is needed. Blech. Stupid fibula. Stupid crutches. Stupid boot cast.

I am supposed to go to NYC in four weeks. My birthday is in three. I usually love March. This March is testing my patience and it’s only the first week! I’m not looking forward to NYC with a gianormous boot attached to my leg. Somehow I think crutches in the city will be quite a challenge.

Husband has a nasty cold to add to our fun. We’re pretty pathetic. I had to call a friend to bring us Nyquil because while I can get to the store, I can’t carry anything while there. She came to the door, covered her face and handed Scott the bag of goods. Didn’t want to come in and risk contamination. It felt like we were a quarantine house!

I feel pretty helpless and I hate that. I enjoy being self sufficient and independent.

Scott’s new job, while very promising, continues to frustrate us. I hope it’s just temporary. He has yet to be given a start date and the longer the hold out the more worried I get. I know it’s not that they don’t want him. I’m certain it’s all economy driven. Please keep crossing your fingers for good news soon.

I’ve got to find something positive to do this weekend to keep me from falling into a funk. Those last few paragraphs are so pathetic…

I’ve been wanting to bake for a few weeks, not sure why, just feel the need to make something sweet and frost it. I may attempt that this weekend and see if it’s possible to maneuver around the kitchen by hopping instead of using crutches. I have some left over fondant so maybe I’ll make a mini cake and practice covering it. It’s been years since I attempted covering an entire cake. I’ll take pictures to document what is sure to be a debacle. But that’s what so great about cake decorating. Even if it’s ugly when you finish you can eat the evidence!

In super awesome news, I got a Snuggie! A co-worker of mine gifted me this week after the girls at work and I had a conversation about them. It’s everything I ever dreamed it would be. My arms stay warm when I’m reading and it’s come in very handy while I’ve been sleeping on the couch pending Scott’s recovery from his cold. Scott rolls his eyes at me every time I use it and has threatened to burn it. He also took a picture of me in it and sent it to a number of people without telling me. He’s awesome. Even with a miserable cold he finds ways to torment me. It’s that damn iPhone!

Sigh....I'm so happy it's Friday!

As luck would have it...

Warning: This post is the length of a short novel and should be separated into chapters….it also changes tone and pace throughout so it’s kind of a mess, but it’s me.

I’m a pretty lucky gal. Sometimes I fall into my own pity party, but for the most part I’m pretty lucky as far as the world goes. I had two really wonderful things happen to me this week that are evidence of this luck. Two people, one co-worker, and one high school buddy both took the time to do something for me that was incredibly thoughtful and meaningful. Each presented me with a gift meant to help in the infertility process. How lucky and I to be surrounded by people like this? Super lucky.

My co-worker made me a CD filled with music for changing times and moods, geared specifically for me. This is incredibly touching for me because music is such a huge part of me. I feel music. Having this CD gives me a place to go to feel something when I need it, or even change my mood when I need it. She must have spent a lot of time on it because each song has a purpose. How special to have someone spend that kind of effort on a gift. The first track is “Anticipation” by Carly Simon! So fitting as it’s a real feeling I can relate to. Some of the songs are serious (Don’t Dream It’s Over – Crowded House); some provide humor (Give It To Me Baby – Rick James). It’s really a very special gift.

My high school buddy Tina put together what I call a “Happy Box” for me. She had read on my blog about how I was going to work on a box filled with things to help distract myself or reward myself when things were tough and she decided I might need more than one box. So incredibly kind! It was filled with all sorts of things, silly things to make me laugh, a music box to remind me about “What a Wonderful World” we live in, marshmallows which everyone knows I adore, and even more incredible items. I was so touched by her thoughtfulness and her time spent. We even got to have a great visit when she dropped it off.

Both gifts were incredibly personal and well thought out and it was a wonderful reminder that even people who don’t deal with infertility can relate to, care for, and help me. It’s also proof that fertiles can be sensitive to infertiles. I really can’t explain how much their gifts touched me. It’s a warm fuzzy feeling times 100! They also made me feel connected to the outside world.

I think it’s really easy to get wrapped up in infertility. Just reading about it and learning about it can be consuming. You can feel isolated because it seems like other people can’t possibly know what you’re going through. It’s easy to fall into the black whole of infertility and lose touch with your old self and in turn your old life. It’s a fine line to between becoming completely enveloped by infertility and learning to deal with this monster that threatens to devour you. Because it can devour you. Your thoughts are baby, baby, baby followed by basal body temp, follicle count, embryo size and so on and so on. Your fertile friends don’t even know what you’re talking about and they feel isolated from you because they don’t know what those things mean let alone what you need to hear. Then you’re on two different levels and you can’t seem to find any middle ground. It’s a friendship disaster in the making.

I even find that it’s a struggle to keep my blog interesting enough that my non IF readers still find it somewhat entertaining and at the same time, find new connections with fellow IFers who I can learn from and will be a great support as we tackle IVF.

So many thoughts running through my head all the time, it’s hard to make sense of it and find some cohesion. And then there are those connections, people who step outside the normal boundary and present you with a little something to remind you that even though they don’t personally know what you are going though, they are still thinking about you and making the effort to let you know it. From something as simple as leaving a comment on a blog, to something as elaborate as a care package, those connections mean the world. They are the life bridge to normal.

Normal is all I ever wanted to be. I didn’t want to be an infertile. I didn’t choose this path. I don’t think anyone in their right mind would choose this. It’s painful and frustrating. It’s emotional and pervasive. It’s a royal pain in the ass. But it is what it is, and I can’t make it change. What I can do is step back now and then, watch what’s going on around me and acknowledge that IF and Non-IF worlds can coexist, and quite nicely if you let them. I can make the effort not to let it consume me and dominate my friendships, and my friends can make the effort to let me know they still think about me and my lack of bouncing baby from time to time. Balance. Beautiful balance. That’s the word.

Thank you Alyssa and Tina, for providing me with balance. And thank you to everyone who reads this and makes me feel heard. See, I’m a pretty lucky gal!

Wham! The Psychic was right!?!?

A few months ago I went to see a psychic. I even blogged about it. It was fun, and I then life went on as normal...In fact I'd completely, well not completely, but mostly forgotten about some of the things she said until a co-worker mentioned it, thinking that she remembered the psychic saying something about Scott getting work in March.

So last night when I got home I pulled out tape recording she'd made and popped it into Scott's old walkman. By the way, finding a tape player was not an easy task. We've graduated so far beyond them that we didn't know if we'd even have one in the house, let alone one that worked! I can't even remember the last time I bought a tape let alone listened to one. I do remember the FIRST tape I ever got, Wham! Yes WHAM! George Michael in day glow pink shirts and white pants. The 80's were awesome. Just in case you forgot what that looked like, here are some pic's for your viewing pleasure....

Now that tape was released in 1984, making me six years old. I think I probably got it the next year. It's been 25 years and I still like Wake Me Up Before You Go Go...music that stands the test of time my friends.

I took that tape to Illinois for the summer and somehow lost it. I think my cousin Amanda who was in love with Bon Jovi at the time wasn't too keen on listening to her baby cousins kind of music...or maybe I just tossed it somewhere without thinking about it. Strange enough, the next year or maybe even longer than that I was back up in her room and found the tape under her bed. The details are fuzzy, but it was my WHAM tape and I was actually super excited to find it. It was like it was meant to come back to me, it was meant to be...

And that is my lame attempt to segway back to what I was originally posting about. Tangent much?

Okay, so the psychic tape. I listened to it. She does actually say that Scott will kind of struggle for a bit when finding work. Then she says that she sees Spring as better, definitely March or April, but early spring will bring a job or two. Maybe two projects. Custom work. She asks "Does he do a lot of custom work?" And I say yes, because he does. But she keeps repeating the word "custom" and always comes back to March or April. She also says that he will stay in his field because it's what he does, what he knows. She can't see him working in another field.

So here's the deal. He is staying in his field even though he briefly considered taking a job in a different one. He actually had two job offers at the same time. He is starting work in March, will probably be in his real full capacity job title in April after training. He is going to be doing custom work, and the word "custom" is actually part of the company's name. Coincidence? Maybe. Regardless, kind of fun to go back and hear her get some things right. It certainly makes me wonder if she'll be right about the other things she mentioned. Especially in relation to us having children.

When I saw her in November she recommended I see an acupuncturist...OHSU just gave me a list of recommended acupuncturist to use while pursuing fertility treatments. She said a bit more than that in relation to infertility but I'm not going to put it out here for public view just yet. But I will say that I hope the lady was right.

Do they make dentures for dogs?

This weekend Olivia lost another tooth. That makes three in the last few months. Normal for puppies, not normal for ten year old dogs. We've known she's had bad teeth for a while. Our last trip to the vet they told us she was perfectly healthy except for some pretty bad teeth. Apparently they are what are causing her horrible breath. The estimate to have them pulled was more then $1800...and that was just an estimate.

Say what? $1800! I haven't spent that much on my teeth in the last few years and they could use it! In the end we decided she wasn't in any pain and she was clearly able to eat anything we put in front of her. We should have named her Hoover or Dyson as she pretty much just vacuums up any food in her dish. Plus we didn't have the money. With Scott not working, things like doggy dental work have kind of taken a back seat to other things. Like paying the electric bill.

I've been very torn about our decision not to pay for the dental work. Olivia, despite her grumpy old lady demeanor is my baby, and I like to think I'm a good mommy and dog owner. She is extremely healthy otherwise and I think she's a pretty happy dog as far as grumpy dogs go. This dog pretty much wants for nothing. In fact if I could come back in another life as a dog I might want to be her. She has two beds, three blankets, countless collars and leashes and she gets to sleep on the couch all day!

Now she's missing these teeth and I can tell that a few others in the front are pretty loose. When I push on them they move a bit. I'm surprised because the vet had only mentioned the teeth in the back of her mouth needed assistance. If this keeps up she'll soon be missing her trademark under bite!

I'm a little extra worried because when our beloved Cocker Spaniel Mollie started having teeth and gum problems it was the precursor to the cancer that took her from us.

I guess I'm going to have to break down and take her in for a check up. I hate to pay money for them to say once again that she needs $1800+ worth of dental work. But I know that if there is a serious infection it can spread to her blood stream and she can get very ill. I don't even want to think about that.

So I guess the question is, do they make dentures for dogs? And will I have to put them in for her and clean them? Because that's a whole new level of nasty. Or will her one and only doggy wish for wet food all the time finally come true?

I guess it would be nice not to need a gas mask every time she yawns....

Sweet baby dog, who I guess isn't much of a baby anymore.